


The Switch

by Kat_trix7



Category: Smosh
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-05-29 13:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 36,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19401532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_trix7/pseuds/Kat_trix7
Summary: Shayne and Courtney have been co-workers and friends since they began working at Smosh about two years ago. But when circumstances change, feelings start to grow. Are they just one sided, or can this be the start of something great?





	1. The Switch

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey ya'll! This story takes place from summer 2017 going into 2018. I chose this time frame because it's after Shayne's break up with his long-term GF and before Courtney and Wahlid broke up (in the spring). I tried to stay as cannon to the time line as possible. I'll be giving time stamps/dates to some of the chapters based on the videos that they reference to give a sense of when everything is taking place.
> 
> Also, although I try to keep it semi believable, obviously this story is pure fiction. It's just fun writing about Shayne, Court, and the rest of the squad! I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> I've posted this on another platform and decided to bring it over here too (comments and love are appreciated <3)

It's getting harder.

I mean I guess it was inevitable. I should have known from the day that we met at our Smosh addition. I guess deep down I did. But it was easier back then. I was with someone, she was too. There was a distance between us, but it's different now.

I don't know when the switch was flicked, or when the feelings started creeping in. Was it summer games? When she supported me, and made me laugh when my world was falling apart? Was it the time we went to get pizza and she dropped it all down her front but ate it all anyways. Was it that night? Or was it just all the little things, the way she throws her head back when she laughs at my stupid jokes. The way she can just spitfire video ideas in our weekly meetings. The way her hair shines in the LA sun.

I know, I'm a cliché at this point. I don't know if I can help it though. She's taken a hold of me, a hold of my heart, and I just can't shake it. All I can do is try to push the feelings down, think of her a friend, and do my job.

"Shayne... Earth to Shayne!" 

I'm jerked out of my thoughts as Courtney waved her hand in front of my face. She was leaning over my desk, bag in hand and Olivia at her side.

"Wow, you were super zoned out Shayne, Court called your name like three times." Olivia quipped, giving me a strange look. "What were you thinking about?"

I shrugged "Nothing really, just daydreaming I guess, didn't get a lot of sleep." I replied in the most casual voice I could manage.

They seemed to buy it, since Courtney grinned. "Too much Netflix?" 

I had mentioned to her earlier about my recent Stranger Things season two binge.

"Something like that," I smiled back. "You guys are leaving?"

Courtney nodded. "That's what I was getting your attention for. Me and Liv are heading out. We got most of the EBE script written, and are just gonna finish it off tomorrow. Ian wants it done before the weekend."

"Sounds good, I'm going to head out soon too," I replied leaning back in my rolley chair and stretching my arms above my head. "See you tomorrow stupid."

Courtney gave me a dirty look, swung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed Olivia's arm. With her free hand, she flipped me off good naturedly. As they left the room she shot me a smile and called, "See you tomorrow Frog legs," over her shoulder.

God. How could I not like this girl?


	2. Wild West I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait between updates! I was out of town but I should be updating more regularly from now on :) This is part one of two Smosh Summer Games: Wild West themed chapters.

Mid-June, 2017

I guess If I'm talking about my feelings for Courtney I should probably take us back in time a little bit and talk about summer games. And I mean Wild West, not Summer Camp. Smosh Summer Camp was probably the most fun I ever had on Youtube. As for Wild West, I had broken up with My girlfriend about two weeks before and I was still pretty torn up over it. I had told the squad about it a couple days after it happened. They were mad at me for not telling them right away and had known something was up. I had literally told Olivia that I was sore from working out when she had asked me why I looked so pained. I had just needed time to process.

Dee and I had been in what I thought was a long-term relationship. I was in it for the long haul. I loved her, more than anything and I thought we would make it. We had been dating for almost 4 years, since I was 21. We were comfortable together and even though I knew there were issues, I thought we were right for one another. She thought differently. I felt her growing distant, in my heart I knew it was coming for a while, but I convinced myself everything was fine, that i was ok, that we were ok.

We weren't.

We broke up at 3am on a Tuesday in the beginning of June. She cried, so did I. She hadn't cheated, but she almost did. She said she wanted to, but stopped herself before it went too far. Was I supposed to be grateful? She just wasn't feeling it with me anymore. I still felt it in my gut two weeks later. We didn't leave in a fight, we promised to remain friends, but I knew we probably wouldn't. It's tough losing someone who used to be your whole world.

I sat in the back of the bus on the way up to summer games, eyes stuck to my phone, scrolling through Instagram both hoping and dreading to see a post from her. They were filming a vlog in the front of the bus, I could hear Courtney's bubbly camera voice and Damien's comedic one liners that I would usually be adding in. I just wasn't feeling like myself.

We stopped at a gas station for a bathroom break and Courtney bought a spicy Slim Jim for us all to try. I took a bite and went back to my seat to scroll through my phone again.

"Shayne! How was it?" I could see her eyes above the camera she was pointing at me. She was hesitant, I could tell she wanted me to be ok, to be happier again.

"Uh, it was ok, it wasn't too hot."

"Phhhh" she gave me a look.

"Well is wasn't!" I shot back, holding back a smile. 

She had a satisfied expression on her face as she put down the hand cam, and I knew that making me smiled was her goal. Everyone else was still outside the bus and she awkwardly climbed over the seats to sit next to me.

"How are you Shayne, we didn't really get to talk this morning," She tucked her hair nervously behind her ear. I could tell that she didn't want to pry, but she wanted to check in with me and I was touched that she cared. I slid my phone into my pocket and turned to look at her properly.

"I'm doing great, thanks," I tried, but she shook her head at me.

"You don't have to keep that guard up right now Shayne. I mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I'm here for you if you need me. So is the rest of the squad." She added.

I tried to laugh off her words, a joke on the tip of my tongue but I sighed. "I know you are Court, and I'm trying to be ok. I think I just need time. I'll let you guys know if I need to talk".

My response seemed to satisfy her and she playfully elbowed me in the arm.

"Good."

The rest of the gang started piling into the bus and she climbed back over the seats to her spot near the front. I decided in that moment that I would have to try my hardest to play normal for the camera. If Courtney saw through my façade, fans may be able to as well, and there was no way in hell I would let that happen.

We finally got to the ranch and hurried to put our bags down in the lodge. It was a mad rush to grab beds and I ended up scoring a room with Damien and Wes. We all met outside to start the team picking, it was being done randomly this year, mainly because Anthony was gone. Ian was worried that it would be weird to have someone else be team captain. The squad ended up being split in half, with Noah and Olivia on Randy Bandits, and Keith, Courtney, and I on the Cow Baes.

The rest of the day was a bit of a fail. The bull ride broke as soon as Flitz got on it and we had eight hours to kill while we waited for it to be fixed. I ended up shooting a game bang with smosh games and then hanging out with the rest of the squad. We joked around and explored the grounds. Olivia was being crazy as usual, ducking around the different attractions and I had a stich in my side from laughing so hard.

By the time the bull was finally fixed, and we finished the challenge, I had almost forgotten that my heart was still shattered.

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys, I hope you liked the chapter! So although some of the facts I have in this story about Shayne and his ex's break up are true, a bunch of it is creative license and just the direction I wanted to go with this story. I just wanted to put it out there.   
> All the love,   
> Kat


	3. Chapter Three: Wild West II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part of Wild West as promised :)

Mid-June, 2017

It was a couple days later that it happened. We had already filmed 'Punishment Shoot Out', 'Wet and Wild Slide', and the belly flop competition. I was having a great time with my friends, filming was a good distraction. I got to act for the camera's, put on my big personality, block out my feelings, and use my humour to make people laugh. We had just finished dinner and everyone was by the fire pit, starting a camp fire. I was sitting in my room scrolling through my phone, I just needed a small break from all the chaos and people.

My heart missed a beat when I saw her post. I almost scrolled past it absentmindedly, and I desperately wish that I had.

Her hair and makeup were done, the way she would do it if we were going somewhere special. She was wearing that tight black dress that I always said made her look like Scarlet Johansson, and the earrings I had bought her two years ago for her birthday. She was grinning broadly with her arms wrapped tightly around Johnathan, her Ex. ""You have a place in my heart no one could ever have." - F. Scott Fitzgerald" read the caption.

I felt my throat start to close up and my heart pounded loudly in my ears. I needed air. I staggered to my feet and stumbled towards the door. I took deep breaths trying to calm down.

"Its ok Shayne, you're fine" I thought but the rest of my mind was screaming.

As I reached the door, my vison starting to go blurry, a blond figure bumped right into me.

"Oh hey Shayne, I was just coming to find- Oh my god are you ok??"

I tried to nod but I was concentrating too hard on breathing. I felt Courtney grab both my arms tightly.

"Come on, let's get you some water." Her voice was urgent and worried as she half guided, half dragged me to the bathroom and sat me down against the side of the tub. I brought my knees up and put my head down between them, trying to regain my composure as Courtney turned on the tap and filled up a cup.

She kneeled on the floor in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Here, drink this".

We stayed in that position few a few minutes as I drank the water. It took me a couple of attempts before I got it down. Courtney took the cup from me and refilled it. She placed it in front of me on the floor and sat down next to me, her legs crossed in the pretzel position.

"Do you have panic attacks often?" She asked.

I shook my head. "This is pretty much a first, or a second I guess,".

"You want to tell me what's going on?" she asked tentatively, and I handed her my phone in response. It was still open to Dee's post.

I watched her take in the photo and then mouth the caption, her brows pinched together. "Oh God, I'm so sorry Shayne. That sucks."

I gave a noncommittal shrug; I was still concentrating on keeping my breathing in check. In-two, three, four. Out-two, three, four. I could feel the cool bathroom floor through my sock clad feet. I could also feel the worry radiating off of Courtney beside me.

"I'm sorry you saw that. I can't believe she would post it. What a dick move."

I picked my head up and looked over at her. She looked angry, but when she saw my face her expression softened. "Did you know?"

Did I? I sighed, "I guess I assumed it was partially about him. She was growing distant from me. I knew there was something wrong but I guess I didn't want to believe it. She mentioned a few weeks ago that she had run into him."

I paused. Courtney kept her eyes on mine and nodded encouragingly. I took a deep breath and continued. It felt good to actually talk about it.

"When we broke up, she said she hadn't cheated on me, but that she had wanted to. I guess I knew that she meant with him. I just didn't think she would rub it in my face so soon after." I hadn't told anyone that she had said that. Not Damien, not my brothers. Courtney's steady gaze gave me the courage to continue.

"I loved her Court, so much. Ya, sometimes things got tough but I thought she felt the same way. I just feel like a fucking idiot."

"Shayne, look at me." She put a hand up to the side of my face, her green eyes intense. 'You deserve so much better than that, and I'm so sorry it happened, but you are going to be fine. Things are going to get better, and you'll realize how much better off you are. But it's going to take time, and you can't keep this all bottled up." She smiled slightly, "no one is going to judge you for being human."

I nodded at her and pulled my gaze away. My breathing had returned to normal, and I was able to take another sip of water. "Thanks Courtney, I guess it just really hit me."

"Ya. Clearly." She grinned cheekily, and I shoved her good-naturedly.

"Ouch!" she laughed.

We sat next to each other in silence for a minute before Courtney stood up.

"Come on," She said, "I don't know about you, this tile floor is killing my ass. Let's go watched some TV or something".

I looked up at her, "Don't you want to go to the bonfire? You know you don't have to stay with me if you don't want to." I didn't want her to feel like I was a burden, or worse, a project.

She looked back at me like I was crazy. "Of course I want to hang out with you idiot, why would you even think that." She offered me a hand and I took it, standing up and following her into the main room.

We sat on my bed and put on some bad reality TV. She laughed and groaned at my jokes and did her own impressions of the characters that made me laugh so hard I cried. We ate popcorn that Damien had packed and swore that it would be our secret. We talked about Keith's cheating and Wes's ridiculous rap, and how we still had fur rash from falling off the bull. Courtney rested her head on my shoulder and I could feel my entire body shake when she laughed.

And I felt just a little bit more whole.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After struggling with the aftermath of his breakup from his long term girlfriend, Shayne finally gets some more closure.

Late August, 2017

I mentioned the pizza incident, and "that night" but I'll get to that soon. I would say that the next part of my story happened about a month and a half after Summer Games. I wasn't imagining that we got closer after we came back from Wild West. We always were very close friends but something was a little different now. I sometimes wondered if it was because I had kept my distance from her when I had a girlfriend and I wasn't scared of that anymore. Or maybe it was because of the night in the bathroom, when she helped me out of my panic attack.

In any case, were definitely better friends than we were beforehand. The others joked about it and so did we. We sat next to each other more in meetings, gave each other more shit about stupid things, and laughed with each other. A lot. The Shourtney mentions in the comments shot up exponentially, we laughed that off too. We were just really good friends. Family even.

The squad knew that I was having a really rough time with the break up, and like any good friends, they made sure I wouldn't wallow in it. Keith would throw an arm over my shoulder and make a joke before giving me a pep talk. Olivia would shoot me a kind look and tell me that she was there for me if I needed to talk. Noah would mostly try to distract me when he saw I was in a mood, but he was also the best at giving me space and making me feel understood.

Courtney did basically all of the above, but she also had a unique way to try and break me out of my funk. The first time it happened I was on the squad set. I guess I was distracted, staring off into space, thinking about Dee. Suddenly Courtney was standing next to me pointing her phone at my face.

"No no no no no no" she said, her voice high and sympathetic as she recorded, giving me a couple small pats on my shoulder. When she stopped recording I told her she was ridiculous but she just shrugged and smiled.

"I don't like to see you sad, Shayne"

The second time I was sitting on the couch texting Dee back. She had messaged me that I should come pick up some clothes and books I had left at her apartment. I felt a tightness in my chest and I could feel my stupid eyes glimmering against my will. Then, from across the room I could hear Courtney's, "No no no no no no", and saw her holding up her phone in my direction. I put my phone down on my lap, staring out into the distance dramatically.

It became sort of a running gag; I could count on her being there to make fun of me when I was feeling down. As weird as it sounds, it did help me, and after a while, she stopped having to do it all together.

One day in late August, Keith and I were sitting in the office, just relaxing before our next shoot when Courtney burst into the room.

"Ok," she said, bouncing over and sitting on the edge of my desk. "Who's coming with me to get Starbucks?"

"Oh hell no," said Keith, "It's hotter than Satan's ass crack out there, I barely survived the trip from my Uber to the building."

Courtney rolled her eyes, "Shayne?" She asked.

"I have to side with Keith. We might actually melt if we leave this building, and does LA really need any more unidentifiable substances on its streets?"

"Shayne. Ew. But you owe me," Courtney pushed. "Remember when you almost let me choke to death this morning??"

"Um ok, don't be dramatic I would not have let you die." I shot back, "Honestly though Court, why do you not know how to eat a bagel properly?"

"It just went down the wrong tube."

"Oh, it just went down the wrong tubeeee?"

"Shut up." She replied crossing her arms and holding in a laugh. "It was actually the coffee that almost ended me"

"Yet you now want me to walk to Starbucks with you?"

"Gotta get right back on that horse, Shayne" she replied with a grin. It felt like her statement had a double meaning, but I definitely wasn't ready to get back into the dating scene so I ignored the comment and went to grab my wallet.

"Fine," I said "I'll walk with you."

"I knew I could break you," she smirked, pushing herself off of my desk and walking ahead of me towards the door.

As I thought, Keith was right. It must have been 100 degrees outside and our faces were shiny with sweat by the time we made it the couple blocks to the nearest Starbucks.

"Jesus Christ. Why did I let you talk me into coming with you?" I asked, pulling up at the collar of my t-shirt to wipe my face.

"You love me," she grinned as she carefully dabbed at her face with the back of her hand. At my questioning look she said, "What? I don't want to wipe off my highlight."

I rolled my eyes at her and followed her towards the line, relishing in the cool air conditioning that was blowing against my sweat covered body. Courtney ordered a frappe for herself and I got an iced coffee, any type of hot drink was definitely off the table. We stood off to the side of the counter waiting for our drinks. Courtney was talking about the video we were going to be filming that afternoon when I heard the bell at the door chime and absentmindedly glanced towards the entrance of the shop. In that moment, I realized that fate must have it in for me because through the door walked Dee, followed closely by Johnathan.

I looked away quickly, hoping she wouldn't see me so I could get my drink and slip away unnoticed. I considered myself a mature person, but having to talk with my Ex and the guy she almost cheated on me with was not my idea of a good time. However, luck wasn't on my side that day, because just then the barista called "Shayne" loudly into the mic before putting my ice coffee down on the pick-up counter. I saw Dee quickly look over and spot me and Courtney. Recognition flashed across her face and she smiled tentatively and gave us a little wave.

"Oh boy," Courtney gulped from beside me, grabbing her frappe. "Ok, it's all cool, we'll go over quickly and say hi and then get the hell out of here."

I grunted slightly as we started walking over, and she muttered, "You're good, you're ok, don't worry," under her breath at me.

"Hey Dee," I said with a slightly forced smile when we reached her, "How are you?"

"Good, good," She replied. "It's um, good to see you. And you Courtney," She added, and Courtney gave her a quick nod in reply.

"We're just picking up some coffees and heading back to the office," I wasn't even sure what I was saying, it was like my mouth was on autopilot and I kept my eyes on Dee and not Jonathan who was standing behind her awkwardly.

"Oh right! Your office is right near here." She looked like she wanted to say something more and I held her gaze for a moment before Courtney interrupted.

"Well, we should be heading back. We have to start filming soon."

"Right, of course," Dee nodded before adding, "It was really nice to see you, Shayne."

"Ya," I replied and gave her a half smile before turning around and walking right out the door. Courtney quickly matched her pace to mine as we sped through the heat back towards the office. We stopped at the crossing light, waiting for the walking symbol. My brain was turning, my was stomach twisting, and Courtney finally spoke.

"So that was fun."

"Ya," I grunted, the condensation on the side of my coffee cup was leaking down my hand at around the same pace as the sweat on my face. I kept my eyes ahead on the passing cars.

"I think that went ok, you sounded normal, and fine. And she looked like she felt guilty."

I shrugged, but then realized something. "You know it's funny," I paused and looked over at Courtney, "I still felt weird seeing her, I felt awkward I guess, but I didn't miss her. It's the first time since our break up that I've seen her and I haven't... missed her."

Courtney smiled broadly at me and put a hand on my shoulder, "That's great Shayne, that's really great."

Immediately she took her hand back, "Oh my god, you're so sweaty!" She laughed, making me grin as well, "Let's get back to the office, I'm starting to believe you that we may actually melt into the ground."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter! So, the 'no no no no' videos idea is from a snap story compilation that I saw of Courtney and Shayne where she does that. I think that the videos were actually taken in 2016 but I thought it was sort of funny and a very Courtney thing to do in this situation so I put it in.


	5. Chapter Five: The Pizza Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a day of joking around in the office, Shayne and Courtney grab dinner together.

September 15th, 2017

Well, it's in the title, so let's get right into it. It was a Friday in mid-September and we were all going a little stir crazy in the smoffice. Noah and Keith were arguing about something or other, Olivia was sitting cross legged on top of her desk typing furiously on her phone, and Courtney and I were lying lazily on the bean bags in the corner of the room. We were waiting for Sunny to come talk to us about next week's schedule and had started making up stupid games to pass the time.

"39, 102, 67, GO!" Courtney yelled before tilting her head back and balancing a cup of water on her forehead. I mimed throwing the jelly bean that was in my hand into the cup for a second before putting it down, grabbing the cup and pouring its contents on top of her.

"Shayne!" she sputtered, water dripping down her face, as I wheezed with laughter at her. She leaned over her bean bag and started hitting me which just made me laugh harder. I rolled away from her onto the floor.

"You guys are literally ridiculous" Keith rolled his eyes at us but he was laughing too.

As Courtney was about to chase me, Sunny walked in on the chaos that I had created. He looked from Courtney's soaking hair to my grinning face and shook his head.

"I'm just going to ignore whatever the hell is happening here... let's go over the schedule guys and then you can get out of here."

Once we were done going through the work week, we all packed up and made our way down to the parking lot. I was walking out of the building with Olivia and Courtney when the latter said.

"Oh god, I could so go for a pizza right now, you guys down?"

"Weren't you going out with Wahlid to that thing at his friends place tonight?" Olivia asked confused.

Courtney looked at us, slightly flustered "Oh what? No, in the end I'm not." Then she quickly added, "But pizza, do you guys want to go?"

"I'm meeting up with James," Olivia said somewhat sheepishly, she was still trying to be sensitive about the Dee thing, and she had also been ditching us for him pretty often recently and we could tell she felt guilty about it.

"Hey no worries," I quipped "we'll just hold this against you for ever."

"Ughhh" Olivia let out a high-pitched groan.

Courtney rolled her eyes at me and put an arm around her friend. "Don't worry Liv Liv, you and James have fun, more pizza for us," She grinned at me.

We ended up driving to my apartment complex and walking to the pizza place around the corner. It was a decent pizza shop with large tables and amazing spicy fries. We ordered a small pie and fries to share and went to sit down in the corner booth.

"It's been so long since I had good pizza" I said, settling into the seat across from Courtney.

"Well you've gotta keep up that body," She joked. "What would we do without our resident beef cake?"

"Oh I'm sure you'd all survive" I grinned.

Courtney fake pondered my statement for a second before nodding "Ya, you're right,". I flicked a sugar pack at her which she easily dodged.

"Thanks a lot," I said sarcastically. "I would never trade out a squad member."

"Really?" She asked, "not even for Damien?"

"Especially for Damien" I laughed, "Could you imagine? We would never get anything done. Its already hard enough for me to keep myself in check".

"Is that what you've been trying to do so far?" she joked.

"Stopppp," I replied, looking up at the ceiling and shaking my head.

"I like to think that its character building, working with you."

"Right back at you."

"One Pizza, One Spicy!" an apron clad teen behind the counter called and Courtney jumped up to get our order.

"Yesssss," she moaned as she placed the tray between us. "Come to Daddy."

She eagerly cut the pie in half and grabbed the bigger slice off the tray but she fumbled with it on the way to her mouth. The pizza slipped out of her fingers and fell onto her chest, slipping down her white T-shirt and landing in her lap.

There was a small pause where I looked at Courtney's shocked face before we both burst out laughing. Courtney's head was thrown back as she erupted into a fit of giggles, her sauce covered hands still held up in the air. I bent over in my seat clutching my stomach and trying to stop the belly laughs that were escaping my lips. People were definitely staring at the pair of us.

"Ohhh - my - goddd," I got out between laughs as Courtney managed to lift the slice off of herself and dropped it back onto the plate. She wiped at her chest in vain, only smearing the sauce and cheese further across her shirt.

"You are having quite a day" I laughed, "first the water... now this."

"Oh and who's fault was that?" she shot back. She gave up trying to save her shirt and wiped her hands on a napkin. Then she picked the offending piece of pizza back up.

"You're going to eat that?" I asked her a little surprised, I assumed that she would just want to leave the restaurant and change. "We can take it to go you know."

"No. We came here to eat pizza and God Damn it that's what we're going to do!" she said with an overly determined expression on her slightly tomato sauce speckled face. She nodded towards my half of the pizza, "Ready frog legs?"

I shook my head her, "You are an absolute psycho Courtney Miller. And there's hardly any cheese even left on yours." but I grabbed my half of the pizza anyways. Something about her expression warmed my insides.

"Bottoms up" She sang, putting on her signature baby voice, and grinned at me over the pie before taking a large bite.


	6. Chapter Six: That Night

September 15th, 2017

After finishing our pizza and fries we decided to head back to my place so that Courtney could clean herself up. We must have looked like crazy people as we made our way down the main street towards my apartment complex, covered in dark red tomato sauce. The sun was setting and a slight chill blew through the air, causing us to pick up our pace. I joked that it looked like we were fleeing from a murder scene.

"I'm just saying, if they arrest you, I will deny knowing you completely." I said holding open the door to my apartment, "I don't want to go down as an accomplice."

"That'll probably be pretty hard Shayne, considering that there is literal video evidence of us working together." She smirked as she walked by me and dropped her bag onto my couch.

I live in a decently sized one bedroom apartment. The main area is open, with a kitchen and eat in area on one side and my couch and TV on the other. A hallway branches off from the space and leads towards my bedroom and bathroom. I had moved in with my now ex-girlfriend a couple years ago. She moved out when we broke up and now it was my first place where I was living without a roommate. In a way, living alone made me feel very adult.

I showed Courtney where all the shower stuff and towels were and handed her one of my t-shirts to change into. She disappeared into the washroom to clean up and I immediately heard the water turn on.

Heading back towards the main room I sat down, sort of at a loss for what to do. Even though we were much closer these days, I hadn't had Courtney over to my place alone yet, and it sort of felt funny to have her here without anybody else. Especially in my bathroom. Taking a shower. I shook that thought off as I felt my phone buzz beside me on the couch. I picked it up and swiped the screen to see who had texted me. I only realized it was Courtney's phone once I read the message.

_"Sorry for what I said babe, I was an idiot. Please forgive me? I'll make it up to you XXX"_

_\- Wahlid_

I put the phone down immediately, feeling guilty about reading a private message, but curiosity caused my brain to spiral. What was he sorry about, what had he said to her? Was this why Courtney had been in a bad mood that morning? Why she wanted to get pizza rather than go out with Wahlid and his friends? A small spike of irritation shot through my body.

"Shayne, stop. It's really none of your business. Wahlid is a good guy, I'm sure they'll work it out." I thought to myself. I heard the shower shut off and I hurried to put Courtney's phone back into her bag.

She appeared a couple minutes later, and I sucked in a breath. Her towel dried hair was piled in a bun on the top of her head. She was swimming in the shirt I had given her. It hung past the edge of her shorts, her long legs sticking out the bottom. Something about it made my heart start beating just a little bit faster. I swatted those thoughts out my head quickly too. What was wrong with me today??

"Don't laugh at me ok!" she said defensively, dropping next to me on the sofa. "I know I look ridiculous in this shirt."

"No you don't. Well, I mean, ya you look pretty ridiculous." She hit me in the arm and I made a face at her. We were such children sometimes.

She reached into her bag and picked up her phone to check messages, her smile flickered slightly as she read what I assumed was the text from Wahlid, but I kept my mouth shut about it and asked instead.

"Do you want a coffee for the road? You know I make the best ones."

Courtney looked over at me hesitantly, as if she wanted to ask me something but couldn't decide if she should go through with it. I wondered if I said something wrong.

"Shayne, do you wanna maybe watch a movie or something? I just don't really want to head home yet."

My heart hurt for her "Ya of course." I replied "but I get to pick!" I quickly jumped up to get the remote before she could grab it.

"You're so dumb." She laughed, and I was glad to wipe that uncertain expression off her face. "I will take you up on that coffee though, so hand me the remote, I'll let you make the final decision."

I made us both coffees and grabbed some pretzels and the bag of grapes from my fridge before reclaiming my spot next to her.

"Hell no." I said when I saw she was looking through the horror section on Netflix.

"What, are you chicken?" She smirked, continuing to scroll.

"Are you trying to Marty McFly me?" I asked incredulously, "because that is not going to work."

She pouted at me with her puppy dog eyes and I shook my head at her. "This is literally not going to happen. You don't even like Horror movies Court!"

"FINE." She sighed and tossed me the remote.

I looked over at her and hesitated for a moment, before pressing play to the movie she had stopped on.

"What?" She asked me surprised, "You said, and I quote, 'Hell no'."

"You gave up too easily" I shrugged, "but I am definitely going to regret this."

"Don't worry I'll protect you," she teased. Grabbing the blanket that was folded over the arm of the couch, she scooted closer to me and laid it out over us. I could feel her bare knee against my pant leg.

The beginning of the movie wasn't really scary; it was just filled with a lot of pointless exposition. And I found myself watching Courtney's face. The way she tensed up for the small jump scares, and her smiles at the half funny jokes from the designated comic relief character.

"Can I ask you something?" I heard myself saying.

"Sure," she answered, eyes still trained on the screen in front of us.

"Is everything," I scrambled for the right words, "ok?" I finished lamely and internally cursed myself for being an idiot.

Courtney turned away from the screen and eyed me wearily. "I just-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I added hurriedly, "I mean I don't want to pry, you just seemed a little bit off today and I wanted to make sure you're fine..." I trailed off again. God I was bad at this.

My rambling must have sounded ridiculous because the corner of Courtney's mouth was slightly quirked as she answered "It's fine Shayne, don't worry."

She took a breath and continued, "Don't worry about me. I really am fine, I got into a stupid fight this morning, with my boyfriend. I guess I just want to take my mind off everything,"

I nodded, "I get that, sometimes you just need space. Do you think you guys will be ok?"

"I think we will be. It's mostly my fault, I was just being too sensitive, it was stupid of me I guess."

I nodded again but my stomach burned at the idea that she would get so down on herself for being upset by something he said to insult her, whether intentionally or not.

"I just could tell that there was something up." I said out loud, "I can read you like a book Miller."

She laughed at that, "You wish." But she then added with a more serious voice, "Really, I appreciate you helping me ride this out. You're a good egg Shayne Topp," She grinned.

"Glad to help" I replied with a smile.

We turned our attention back to the screen as the movie started to pick up and I resisted the urge to turn on all the lights in my house. Courtney was suddenly very close to me and the next scare had us both jumping. She clutched my arm and buried her face into my shoulder. My fear was over powered by that same warm feeling I had earlier in the restaurant and I felt myself moving even closer towards her. We stayed in that position for the rest of the movie, my arm wrapped around her, her head resting on my shoulder. I drove her home afterwards reluctantly, wishing that I had an excuse for her to stay over longer. As I watched her walk through the door to her building, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I had feelings for Courtney.

So, I guess I lied before, when I said I didn't know when I started liking Courtney as more than a friend. Yes, I don't know when the switch was flipped on my feelings for Courtney, but I do know when I realized it. And immediately after that epiphany, I realized that I was in so much trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, so now we're actually getting somewhere with this story! Shayne's realized that he likes Courtney but this is still a slow burn, so it's going to be a bit of a ride until the end, because whats the fun in making this easy for him, am I right?


	7. Study Buddies

October 4th, 2017

So, that brings us up to date. It's been a couple weeks since that movie night and I still can't shake these feelings. No matter how many times I remind myself that Courtney has a boyfriend, that I don't want to ruin our friendship, or that I would make our jobs too complicated, I can't seem to forget the way she looked in my shirt, (which she still hasn't given back by the way), or the way it felt to hold her on that couch.

But what I could do was squash those feelings down and try my best to ignore them, which was my exact game plan for today. We were filming EBE Haunted house and had decked out a studio space in cobwebs, hanging spiders, and other Halloween decorations. It was 10 am, and the crew was setting up. The entirety of the Smosh staff was still on a high from winning the Streamy for Smosh Live last week. We said we would be fine if we lost, but the award definitely gave us a renewed energy and desire to produce the best content we could. The win confirmed to us that all the hard work we put in was a success. It was a very surreal experience.

Amid the flurry of set prep, I was sitting outside going over my notes for the exam I had the next morning. I was anxiously speed reading through them to review. Although I studied pretty hard yesterday, I wouldn't have much time to go over the material tonight because we were going to be shooting late, and I also had to go over my scene for the Goldberg's that I was filming tomorrow afternoon. It was the point in the semester where all my work was piling up and of course it happened to coincide with a hectic shooting schedule.

"Look at this studying boi."

I jumped as Courtney suddenly walked up behind me. She had two coffees in her hands and offered me one.

"Woah, you scared me," I said, taking the drink from her with a nod of thanks.

"And we're not even in the haunted house yet." She joked, taking a seat next to me on the steps. "You almost done going over that?"

"Yeah," I said turning my attention back to my note book, "I just have to go through the list of Scientist's names to test myself on what theories they're known for." My behavioral psych class was defiantly a bitch in terms of memorization but I found the information incredibly interesting which was always a plus.

"Here, let me test you," She took a long slurp from her straw before putting it down and reaching out for my notes.

Grateful, I handed them to her. We got through eleven names and theories before Tanner called for us to come in and start getting ready to shoot. We told him we were coming and I held my back pack open for Courtney to drop my note book in but she was still staring at it.

"This stuff is actually really cool Shayne," Courtney said. I could see her eyes scanning the pages eagerly, as if she was trying to absorb all of the material herself.

"Maybe it's because it's been so long since I've had to do school work that I'm romanticizing it, but I sort of like studying this."

"Well, if you ever want to come over after work and study with me, you are definitely welcome" I joked taking the notes from her, stowing them, and zipping up my bag.

"I literally might take you up on that" she replied, getting to her feet and holding out a hand to pull me up. I took it and stood up too. Part of me hoped to god she was being serious, another part of me didn't trust myself alone with her at night in my apartment.

She was still holding my hand as we walked towards the set and I quickly let go once we got to the doorway. I tried not to think too hard about it. Olivia and Noah were already inside, decked out in their mother/daughter costume.

"Hey Guys!" Olivia beamed at us when we walked in.

"Shit Olivia, I'm not even going to have to act, this is literally the scariest thing I've ever seen." I said, taking in her pigtails and blue prairie dress.

"What, you don't like it?" She asked moving closer to me and Courtney.

"Oh god, stay away from me."

I quickly pulled Courtney in front of me, almost spilling my coffee on the both of us but catching it at the last second.

"Yo, that was close" she commented, "You're dumb."

"The sacrifices we make for a joke." I grinned at her.

They were playing with the lighting and a red glow was hitting the side of her face. It somehow made her look even more beautiful and I looked away quickly, turning to make fun of the outfit that Noah was wearing.

We made a few jokes about the horny horror decorations for the BTS camera before Ryan said that they were ready for us. Courtney and I moved into position between the cobwebs and floating props.

"Ready?" She asked, fixing her hair quickly.

"Uh, I'm like, always ready," I said in my douchebag voice TM.

Courtney rolled her eyes at me but grabbed onto my arm tightly as Ryan yelled "Action!". It was hard not to think back to the night of the scary movie at my place where she had grabbed onto me exactly the same way. We made it through a few takes with minimal breaking, only laughing at how funny our screaming sounded when we ran into Olivia's character.

The rest of the day's filming went by as usual. Because a few of the scenes had to be filmed outside at night we were only finished filming the video at 9 pm. I scrubbed the fake blood off of my face with Ian in the washroom sink before grabbing my stuff and heading down to the parking lot.

As I got into my car my phone pinged and I pulled it out of my pocket to see that Courtney had sent me a message.

_Hey! I meant to tell you before you left, good luck on your exam tomorrow! You've got this. Don't fuck it up! :p_

\- _Courtney Freaking Miller_

I smiled to myself before throwing my car into drive and pulling out of the lot.


	8. Chapter Eight: Disneybound

Filmed October 11th, 2017

A few days later we decided to do the Disneybound challenge, and headed down to the park to shoot a squad vlog. To be honest, it was really an excuse for us to get out of the office and go on some rides. We had fans suggest our costumes so naturally I was Ariel, which I was actually incredibly cool with. They picked Minnie Mouse for Courtney, Captain Hook for Olivia, Pinocchio for Noah, and Keith was Scar.

After showing off our transformations for the camera we headed into California Dreamland, armed with our vlog cameras and accompanied by our producers Sunny and Sarah. It was about 3 minutes in before Keith brought up the last time we were at Disney Land filming together.

"You're just salty because you still want to marry me Courtney," he joked about their fake proposal prank.

"Uhh," she gasped, "Ya, what is your problem Keith? It's been almost a year and we still aren't married!"

"Well you are a little crazy"

Even though rationally I knew they were joking, I felt that telltale pang of jealousy as Keith ran away from Courtney's attempted hugs. It felt ridiculous, I knew Keith and Courtney were just friends, but then again, Courtney and I were just friends too. I needed to keep myself in check and stop feeling this way. Luckily we were quickly distracted and we soon began our true purpose for coming to Disney land; finding Olivia her Churros.

Once we found a stand, and Olivia got her fix, ("She'll eat six more of them, just you watch") We decided to hit some rides. I soon found myself walking with Courtney. And we started our easy banter as she held out the vlog camera in front of us.

"What's your favorite ride here Shayne?"

"Uh, any ride of my people" I replied, gesturing at my Ariel themed ensemble.

"Of course it is... Oh!" she exclaimed, "let's go on California screamer!"

"Um, Hell no," said Keith as we approached the ride, "No way are you getting me onto that thing."

"Come on Keith," Courtney tried, "it'll be fun!"

But Keith just shook his head. We tried to convince them in vain but He and Oliva decided to sit this ride out, leaving me, Courtney, Noah and our producers to go without them. 

"So interesting fact," I said while we were standing in line for the ride, "This is the origin of the Shayne scream. I never used to scream and then me a few friends went on California screamer, and I was like I guess I have to, so I just let it rip. People in the back of the ride were like who the _fuck_ is that idiot, and then I just never stopped." I finished, making Courtney laugh.

"So this ride is what we have to blame for your idiocy," Joked Sunny and I nodded back grinning.

The car pulled up and we shuffled through the gates and into our seats. Courtney sat down next to me and we both buckled ourselves in. On the slow chug up to the starting point, she turned her head towards me.

"You better blow my ears off with your scream big boy'" She grinned at me.

"Phh" I choked and gave her a weird look. Recovering, I answered, "Well of course." As the ride shot forward and I yelled at the top of my lungs, I wondered if she was trying to torture me on purpose.

"That was the best," Noah said as we were walking out of the ride, "I feel like Keith and Olivia should like, grow up."

We met a bunch of fans as we made our way through the park and we asked them who they thought we were bound as. Me and Courtney were pretty obvious, but it was awesome seeing the fans really try to figure out the other three. We also were stopped by a staff woman who told us that she had never seen a male Disneybound Ariel before. She gave me an honorary citizen of Disney land pin which I pinned to my purple shirt. She told me that it made her day, and the squad replied that she had made ours. All I could do was beam at her. She made the costume mean more than I thought it had originally.

In the same theme, we headed over to a little mermaid ride. Courtney and I joked about how cannibalistic it was that Ariel's grotto serves seafood as we shuffled into the cart. With the mood lighting and the love seat bench in the shell shaped cart, the ride started feeling slightly romantic. To counter-act it, of course, Courtney and I started acting like absolute maniacs.

"Wow wow wow! Look we're underwater!" she called, swinging the vlog camera back and forth between my face and the dancing plastic fish.

"But I'm allergic to water" I cried. We were being ridiculous and definitely causing a commotion but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Courtney had a way of making me laugh in any situation, and this one was no exception.

Sometime After filming the video's outro, our group got separated. We lost Keith and Noah after the merry-go-round, and Olivia when she set off to find some more churros.

"But really Shayne, what do we do, I'm a little nervous," Courtney looked over at me worriedly and I tried my best to reassure her.

'Hey, really, don't worry about it, let's go find somewhere with service and we'll call them ok?"

We wandered around until my phone had a couple bars and a text came in from Noah saying that they met up with Olivia and were heading home, I relayed the message to Courtney.

"Oh," she said, face falling slightly, "so should we head out too?"

"I don't know about you, but I could do a few more rides." I shrugged nonchalantly, as though I wouldn't mind either way but I selfishly wanted to spend some more time with her. I wanted her to want to too.

She beamed at me, "Ya, that sounds good to me."

Happy and somewhat relived, I headed back towards the centre of the park with Courtney. Without the rest of the cast and crew surrounding us, this trip was definitely starting to feel more and more like a date. As we were standing in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, Courtney nudged my arm.

"Shayne, that little girl in the Ariel shirt is literally staring at you."

"I like to think that as Princess Ariel, I emanate a homing beacon for all other part-fish." I joked.

"By the way, wasn't that cool what that staff lady said about your bounding?"

I nodded, "It definitely was. I can't believe that she hasn't seen any guy doing it before. I sort of feel like I was making a statement somehow."

"Meanwhile, it was just our fans being funny."

"I honestly wouldn't expect anything else."

We stood in comfortable silence for a second before Courtney suddenly pointed up at a pigeon that was perched at the top of the tower of the Tarzan ride.

"I GIVE YOU THE BEST!" she shouted, making me jump.

"What??" I looked at her incredulously and the intense expression on her face made me immediately start heaving with laughter. She joined in and soon we were wiping tears from our eyes.

"He just, has the best life!" she wheezed out between giggles, one hand was holding her stomach, the other on my shoulder. "Look at him up their Shayne, that's all a bird can ask for!"

I glanced back up at the pigeon and immediately lost it again when I saw his feathers fluttering in the wind.

"Oh my GOD Courtney, I don't know how you come up with this stuff," I said shaking my head and grinning at her when I finally regained my composure.

As we were leaving another ride, an announcement rang out that the fireworks would be starting soon and we headed towards the main square to watch. The sun had set and the air was growing chilly. I saw Courtney shiver slightly beside me and I shrugged off my jean jacket to throw it over her shoulders. She smiled up at me in thanks. The first fireworks shot into the sky with a bang, lighting up the dark night with gold sparks. The crowd Oooed and Ahhhed at the display and Courtney leaned against my side, resting her head on my shoulder. I played it cool as my heart pumped my blood at twice its regular speed.

Yeah, this definitely felt like a date, and it was so much better than any fake proposal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this was a very canon video heavy chapter, and I have another one sort of like it coming up, but I just really liked the idea of them being left alone in Disney and it turning into a sort of date. Also, I don't know if "I give you the best!" happened that, day but god that bit cracks me up.


	9. Chapter Nine: Smashing Pumpkins

Filmed October 16th, 2017

Keith, Noah, Courtney and I were sitting in the studio behind a long table, each with a pumpkin in front of each of us, ready to carve Ian's likeness into them. We were definitely milking the Halloween season for all it was worth in our videos recently, not that any of us were complaining. I had loved pumpkin carving growing up. But, although I was excited for this video, I could feel a bit of a pit in my stomach.

Pumpkin carving had always been mine and my ex's Halloween thing. We would drive out to the farmers' market to pick out pumpkins for each other. We would make a night of it, carving scary faces into the orange vegetables and putting up other decorations. This year, obviously, we weren't, but, if I was going to carry on the tradition with anyone, I was glad for it to be the squad. And honestly, I was quite a bit more excited to be smashing the pumpkins afterwards.

We made a couple jokes about the picture we were supposed to be copying being of Ian's dick before starting the timer and picking up our carvers. Keith immediately began complaining about how difficult this task was, and Courtney and Noah were poking fun at his antics. On the other hand, I was focusing hard on my pumpkin, hardly paying attention to the rest of the group.

"Shayne is looking intense over there," Keith commented, breaking my concentration.

"Sorry I'm not being very entertaining", I apologised, still carving away at my pumpkin. It was slightly out of character for me to have my mouth closed during a video and I pushed back down all the memories of me and my ex that had been rushing through my mind to join in on the jokes with the rest of the squad. I played along with Noah's comment that I looked like dad working in a garage on a Sunday, and began creating a completely false history of the first ever Jack-o-lantern.

"I'm so sad I can't trick or treat" sighed Courtney as she readjusted her pumpkin.

"You can" I replied at the same time as Keith said "Of course, you can, what do you mean?"

"No, because then people think I'm trying to get in their bed."

"What?" All of us said at once. That wasn't really a response I was expecting.

"I just go 'knock, knock' and they're like 'Hmm what's this lady doing at my door', and I'm like 'Trick-or-treat', And they're like 'Mmm I'll give you a treat' and I'm like 'No.'" Courtney rambled, her voice at a comically high octave.

"Has that happened to you before?" I questioned, dreading the reply I knew was coming.

"Yup!" She replied nonchalantly.

"Oh my god Courtney," Keith moaned.

"What?" I said in disbelief into the camera.

"When you take kids trick-or-treating that's what happens, even if you're in a Harry Potter costume not showing any skin."

We fell into silence again, my brain spinning fast as I thought about what she had just said. It sucked that she didn't feel comfortable enough to go trick-or-treating anymore. I started quickly stabbing at my pumpkin to make Ian's beard, Courtney immediately joined in using her carver.

"Hey Stop," I say, sounding like a 10-year-old telling his siblings off. She laughed and leaned back in her chair which gave me an opening to stab her pumpkin.

"Shayne!" She screamed, wrapping her arms protectively around her pumpkin, and I laughed at her horrified expression.

With three minutes, left on the clock, I put down my carver. "Yeah, I think mine's good."

Courtney picked her pumpkin up and leaned over the table tipping it over and letting its insides fall onto the floor while making a fake barfing noise.

"That was uncalled for," I commented. "There is literally a trash can right over there." Which just made her dump the rest of it onto my lap.

"God Courtney!" I shouted, and she stabbed her carver into my pumpkin for good measure.

"I hate you so much, I hate you so much, you're psycho, you're a crazy person." I said shaking my head as she cackled at me. This girl was going to be the death of me.

We all joked about Noah's, interesting is the only way I could describe it, depiction of Ian's butt until the timer rang and Sunny went to get Ian to judge our work. Keith complained that he needed more time and we all told him to shut up.

Noah's very questionable pumpkin-Ian wiped the floor with us, earning all the ribbons, but Courtney won the well-deserved honour of final over-all winner. With the "awards ceremony" out of the way, we set up for the best part of the video, smashing the pumpkins. We made an absolute mess, destroying our pumpkins with hammers and bats. It was slightly therapeutic to be able to smash them to bits. Once we were done, we stood in front of the carnage to do the outro.

"We learned something today, no matter what your pumpkin looks like they all get smashed in the end." Courtney exclaimed.

"Uh yeah, and they're all thic." I added, gesturing to the half a pumpkin I was still holding in my hand.

"Thic spaghetti boys"

"Alright Bye!" We called at the camera.

"Cut! Good job guys", Sunny said with a thumbs-up.

We all relaxed and Courtney went to talk to Sarah about something as me Noah and Keith started to clean up.

"So you and Courtney were pretty crazy this video" Noah commented as he dropped his smashed pumpkin into the trashcan.

"You mean she was," I replied, wiping the stringy gunk off of my hands. "I was just defending myself like a normal person."

Noah shot a look at Keith who just shook his head looking amused. I was about to question them about it when I saw Courtney moving off set. I left the boys and hurried to follow after her down the hall.

"Hey!" I called to her slightly louder than intended and she flinched, before turning around to face me.

I stifled a laugh, "Sorry 'bout that, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Yeah right," She grinned, "What's up?"

"I was thinking," I started, "I'm really sorry that all that stuff happened to you when you went trick-or-treating."

"Well, it's just one of the wonderful realities of being a woman." She said, voice laced with sarcasm.

"Yeah," I looked at the ground awkwardly, "Well, it sucks. Things shouldn't be like that."

"Don't worry about it Shayne, there's not really anything we can do about it" She sighed.

"Well actually, I was thinking that there is. We should all go trick-or-treating together this year."

She started to protest but I continued, "Think about it, we can stay as a group, you can even invite Wahlid. I'd walk with you to every door and make sure no one makes any inappropriate comments."

"My hero," she smirked sarcastically.

"Just think of me as a wet blanket," I grinned. "What do you say?"

She hesitated before nodding.

"Ok yeah. I'm down."

"Awesome!" I exclaimed. "You better bring your costume A-game Miller." I added as we continued walking towards our office.

"I'm already way ahead of you Topp."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yup, as I mentioned in the previous chapter, this one was heavily based on the pumpkin carving video on smoshpit but I just wanted to give some context for the trick or treating chapter thats coming up and I thought it would be a good way to show Noah and Keith sort of seeing their connection. Also, honestly I just love that video lol


	10. Chapter Ten: So Now You Know

October 24th, 2017

It was weeks like these that I was so grateful I worked at Smosh and not Starbucks. It was such a crazy twist of fate that I ended up here and not there... or anywhere else really. The chance to act and express myself creatively while funding my education, having instant chemistry with the cast and crew, and supportive friends which I now consider my family; it all started from a phone call from Noah. He got me an interview and the rest is history. I didn't have to work at some mindless retail or service job to pay for college, I got to do what I'm passionate about with people that I cared about. Yes, although it was busy, stressful at times, and downright crazy always, I wouldn't trade it for the world, and this week was crazier than most.

With Halloween coming up soon, we were thrown into a busy work week to finish filming all of our October themed content. Today we were shooting 'Kids on Bikes'. It was a sketch I myself had written one weekend after realizing that every single 80s movie and stranger things has the trope where whenever 12 year olds get on their bikes, paranormal shit happens.

"Like why would they even get on bikes in the 80s," I questioned the BTS camera as Damien nodded his head next to me. "You're just going to end up in another dimension or something."

"The draw was even, 'You guys want to see a dead body??' Like no!" Damien added and I threw my head back in laughter.

We were wrapping up the shoot, we just had a couple more takes to do and the crew was resetting. It was nice to have Damien in this skit with us. Of course, I loved the squad, but it was great to be able to shoot this with my best friend, especially because although Damien really liked his job on Smosh Games, I knew that acting and comedy were really what he's in it for. So, I was pretty much psyched that he was able to be in this sketch.

As the crew continued to put last minute things together, I stood around with Damien and Courtney, while Olivia Noah and Keith sat on the grass nearby, waiting to start our next scene. Partially from boredom and partially from my usual unpredictable urge to be ridiculous, I was messing around with the ET puppet.

As I voiced him to sound like a 60-year-old smoker, Courtney asked "Hey, weren't you Yoda?" with a playful smirk on her face.

"Very funny toots, I'll fight you, I have one good slap in hand and I'll use it." I replied, still in character, turning the ET puppet to look at her.

Courtney holds her composure for a good second before letting out a belly laugh and falling into my shoulder. I broke character and grinned into her side.

I heard a small noise to my right and looked over to see Damien giving me a strange half smile.

"What?" I asked as Courtney pulled away.

"Oh nothing," he shrugged at me. I could tell he wasn't saying something though, and I started walking up to him.

"Come on Dame-" I started, but he cut me off, shooting a look at Courtney who had gone to sit down next to Olivia, Noah, and Keith on the grassy lawn.

"We'll talk after the shoot," he replied, the silly grin still on his face. "Looks like they're about ready for us anyways."

"Ok fine," I grumbled, "but you're being weird."

I heard him chuckle as I sat down on the grass next to the rest of the squad. Noah was readjusting the tape on his prop glasses.

"The funny part is I'm playing a character with glasses but I forgot my contacts so I literally cannot see."

"Ok, let's not make a _spectacle_ of this Noah," I put in, and everyone groaned at my bad pun.

"I swear, you're getting worse." Noah told me to nods from the rest of the squad.

"We're ready for you!" Ryan called to us from the set and we got up from the lawn, and headed back towards the rest of the crew.

The end of the shoot went by, business as usual. We wrapped and started packing up quickly, after all, we had another busy day tomorrow. We quickly changed out of costume and handed them back to the wardrobe department. I was finishing buttoning up the last few buttons of my shirt when Courtney came up to me. She had returned the red pixie cut wig and her long blond hair was tied in a twist on the top of her head. Her stage makeup was still on though, and the smattering of drawn on freckles looked endearingly like a snapchat filter against her light skin.

"Great job with the writing," she smiled. "Honestly, I think this one is a banger."

"Thanks," I replied, with genuine appreciation and then added with a shit eating grin, "Your one spit take really made the whole sketch."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head at me as I laughed.

"You're so dumb" she said.

"Do you expect anything else?" I grinned.

"At this point? Nope." She replied, "I'll see you tomorrow stupid," She said, punching me playfully in the arm before skipping off towards Olivia who was waiting in the doorway.

"Bye Shayne!" Olivia called over her shoulder, and I waved bye back. As they walked away, I could see Damien standing nearby, wearing the same expression on his face that he had been back on the lawn. I grabbed my bag and walked over to him.

"Ok. What are you on about?" I asked as he followed me towards my car, which was parked a block or so away from the filming location. "Your acting weird Damien and to be honest it's sort of freaking me out."

"Oh, _I'm_ acting weird?" he asked, humour seeping into his voice.

We had reached my car and I popped open the trunk to throw my bag in. "Yes, you. Are you gonna tell me what's going on?"

"Are you?" he shot back, catching me off guard.

"What?"

"Courtney." He replied simply.

I stared back at him incredulously. What was he talking about?

"Do you like her?"

My heart started beating loudly in my ears. I quickly schooled my expression letting out what I hoped was a convincing laugh.

"Courtney? Of course, not! We're just friends, why would you think I like her, that's crazy!"

But Damien just smirked at me. "Come on Shayne, you can try to play it off all you want, but I know you. I know you probably too well. And I saw it in your eyes today, when she was laughing at your stupid jokes. You're really into her, aren't you?"

I made to protest once more, but who was I kidding. All the fight left me and I sagged against the side of my car.

"What do I do? I can't shut it off, I can't stop thinking about her. I remind myself over and over all the reasons that it can't work, or won't work, but I just can't get her out of my head."

"Oh my god, you are in so deep."

I nodded and looked up at him, I saw understanding in his eyes.

"Ok this is not a random-street-in-West-Hollywood conversation, this is a fast-food-chain-dinner conversation" My friend said, walking swiftly around my car and opening up the passenger side door. "Let's go, Shayney, we're getting In-N-Out."

Fifteen minutes later we were sitting in a booth in the back of the burger place, digging into our cheeseburgers and fries. Damien took a long swig of his vanilla milkshake and asked.

"So, when did this start?"

Taking a deep breath, I found myself telling him everything. About my breakdown at wild west, about how Courtney tried so hard to cheer me up after the break up. I told him about how we joked around at the office and on set, about the pizza and horror movie, about our Disney date. I told him about the night of the streamy's, and her hugging me when we won. I told him about our Halloween plans and my irrational jealousy.

When I was done he just stared at me shaking his head back and forth.

"How the holy hell did you keep this inside for 4 months?" he asked.

"Well," I shrugged, "It wasn't really 4 months, I only realized it myself about a month ago."

"You know, I knew there was something going on between you." Damien grinned. "You guys were getting too close to just be friends."

"I mean, we are still just friends, it's not like she feels the same way about me." I said, taking another bite of my burger.

Damien snorted, "How do you know that the feelings are only one sided? I mean it takes two to tango and I see the way she looks at you too."

I shook my head resolutely, "There's no way. She has a boyfriend."

Damien eyed me wearily, "Uh huh. So, what are you gonna do about it then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to tell her?"

"God no. I can't do that, it would ruin everything." I sputtered. He gave me another look and I said no again more firmly.

"Damien, think about it. I would be ruining our friendship, our squad chemistry, our jobs. Not to mention possibly her relationship." I shook my head again, "I can't do that to her, just to get something off my chest, it's not fair of me."

Damien nodded in understanding, "I get it dude, but keeping this inside is going to eat you up."

"I'm just hoping that it will go away if I'm being honest. I'm an adult, I can get over some crush on my friend, right?" I paused and gave my friend a genuine smile, "I'm sort of glad I told you though man."

"You mean that I realized and forced it out of you," he grinned back.

"Well, what are friends for?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Y'all! Now Damien's in the know and we're really getting somewhere. More turns ahead though
> 
> Until the next one, peace! :)


	11. Chapter Eleven: Trick or Treat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of halloween themed chapters in this story but this one was my favourite to write :)

**October 31st, 2017**

It was finally Halloween and I pulled up to where we had all agreed to meet with Keith and Noah in tow. The neighborhood was pretty chill and I knew that a lot of teenagers trick-or-treated around here so we wouldn't look too out of place. I never had been so into dressing up for Halloween but I made a bit of an exception tonight, borrowing a Captain America costume from the office, and pulling it over my clothes. It was pretty minimal effort but I mean, come on. Keith had gone all out dressed as a rocker, and Noah's costume was a play on words, holy guacamole, which consisted of Jesus-like attire covered in pictures of avocado.

"Olivia just texted the group, she and Courtney will be here in 5." Keith said as we got out of the car.

"Ok great" Noah said adjusting his costume, "did they say if James and Wahlid are coming in the end?"

"I think that James wasn't able to make it, but Courtney said that Wahlid was coming." I replied. She had told me he was coming yesterday at work with a huge grin on her face. I'm glad that he could come, because as much as I would have wanted this to be a squad thing, this was really about Courtney. If she wanted Wahlid there, then the more the merrier, as they say.

It was also good for me that he was coming. Since talking to Damien about my feelings for Courtney a few days ago, they began to seem a bit more real. Too real for my liking. Having Wahlid with us tonight was a good reminder for me to keep my feeling in check. I would get over this 'crush' soon enough and everything would be back to normal.

"Not sure if he's going to be third wheeling or we are." joked Noah.

They pulled up in Olivia's Jetta a few minutes later. Courtney leaped out of the back seat and ran over to us. She was dressed in an 80's style skating outfit, ala 'I, Tonya' Her crimped blond hair bounced around her face. Reaching the three of us, she threw and arm roughly around my shoulder causing me to stumble and let out an "Oof".

Grinning from ear-to-ear she asked "So how are my boys?"

"Well I'm doing better than Shayne right now," quipped Noah, indicating to Courtney's arm wrapped around my neck. I made a choking noise and play-wrestled her off of me as Olivia and Wahlid walked up behind us.

"Hi!" Olivia squealed, "I'm actually low key excited for this guys."

"I'm actually high key excited," said Wahlid. "Good to see you all." He added grabbing Courtney's hand. I pushed down the ridiculous spike of jealousy that shot through me and cleared my throat.

"Shall we?" I motioned towards the street in front of us which was already bustling with trick-or-treaters.

"Yes! Let's do this!" Keith grabbed his bag and ran ahead of us across the street. We hurried to catch up with him at the front step of a large modern house. A middle-aged couple answered the door when we knocked, (Trick-or-Treat!) they were impressed with Noah's costume, which made him a little smug, and they dropped a few candies into our bags.

We visited a bunch houses down the street, scoring chocolate and candy at each one. I felt sort of like a little kid again and it was a good feeling. It had been so long since I did this with my friends. At one of the houses, the owner was sitting on his porch disguised as a prop zombie. When we rang the doorbell, he jumped out at us, and Keith and Olivia jumped out of their skin.

"Oh my god, that made my night" I laughed, clutching my stomach as we walked back down the steps and back onto the busy street.

"I'm glad _you_ thought it was funny," Grumbled Olivia.

"At least he gave us good candy to make up for it." Keith said, dropping the bars into his bag.

"Honestly, that man is what I aspire to be." Noah put in "Something about Halloween just makes me want to hide in the bushes and jump out at children."

"You are literally the worst type of person" I said to him, making the group laugh.

I heard Wahlid's phone beep and he pulled it out of his pocket.

"Hey, a friend of mine is hosting a party at his house, he just texted to see if we could make it there. It's not far from here, want to check it out?"

I looked around at my friends who were all nodding and saying sure, so I nodded as well. I didn't really want to go to a party, especially full of people that I didn't really know. But my squad was with me, and if they wanted to go I would do it. We decided that it would probably be more worth it to walk a couple blocks than to gamble with finding another parking spot closer to the party.

"Alright, it's just up ahead" Wahlid said after a few minutes of walking.

It wasn't hard to see which house it was. Wahlid's friend had gone all out with decorations. The huge two-story modern villa was lit up with glowing purple lights. Spider webs hung across the outer walls of the house and fog machine spread white cloudy mist across the ground in front of it.

"Jesus Wahlid, who are you friends with?" Keith asked as we walked through the fog and up to the front door.

"And how can I become their friend" Noah added.

Wahlid laughed it off, explaining it was his friend from vine's house. As soon as we walked into the foyer, I was hit by loud music, and the high energy of the party goers. Seemingly out of no-where, a guy I recognized as one of Wahlid's friends, ran over to us, slapping a hand on Wahlid's shoulder. He was dressed as a ninja turtle, his red eye mask pulled up onto the top of his head.

"Glad you guys could make it," he said loudly over the music. "Come on in, drinks and snacks are in the kitchen."

Olivia said she was hungry, so Keith, Noah and I went with her to the kitchen, leaving Courtney and Wahlid to catch up with his friend.

The kitchen was packed with people in costumes. We pushed our way towards the table in the middle to grab drinks and food. After a while, Olivia ran into some vine friends and the rest of us drifted off towards a bob for apples game. I was watching Keith and Noah fumble through the water, laughing at their antics when I noticed Courtney across the room. She was sitting on one of the couches alone, and I left the guys to go sit with her.

"I like to think that the apples know what's about to happen to them, and their just like under the water screaming as Keith's teeth are looming over them" I joked as I dropped down next to her.

Courtney groaned "You're so dumb," but I could tell she was holding back a smile

"You aren't going to bob?" she asked me.

"Nah," I replied, "not really in the mood for an under-water stress test."

"You could just look at it as going method for your aqua-man character next week." She smirked

"I feel like people might get a bit concerned if I started humping the water barrel." And I started humming the tune to 'put it so deep in the blow hole' which we had just gone over yesterday in the office.

"Oh my god, stop!" she laughed hitting my arm. Making me crack up as well. It was hard for me to keep myself from laughing out loud in general, but it was especially difficult around Courtney.

"So where did Wahlid go?" I asked once I stopped laughing, looking through the crowd, trying to spot him.

"He's around here somewhere, with his friends" she replied.

"Well it's a cool party, I'm glad we all came."

"No you're not." She grinned at me.

"You're right, no I'm not." I grinned back, this girl knew me too well. "But if I'm going to be at some random stranger's party in the LA suburbs, I am glad that it's with you guys."

"Another lie," She joked, but I could tell that she knew I meant it.

"Did trick-or-treating live up to your expectations?" I asked her.

'Oh defiantly, any time I get to see Keith jump out of his skin is a good time." She folder her legs into a pretzel on the couch and turned fully towards me, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"But more seriously, ya, it did. Really, thanks so much Shayne for asking me to do this. I would never have done it on my own and having you, all of you, there with me made me feel really safe."

"Hey, any time" I replied trying not to think too hard about how much I needed her to tell me that. It's not like I'm the type of guy who needs constant validation for doing the right thing, but part of me really wanted to hear it from her. What can I say? I'm a selfish bastard.

"It's just so messed up that someone propositioned you when you were trick-or-treating," I added.

"Well I am quite sexy so..." she joked.

"I mean yeah, but—" I cut myself off at the smirk on her face, "I mean..." God why wasn't my mouth working?

Just then Keith threw his body over both of us, "Guys! I am so wet! Whose idea was apple bobbing anyways?" 

I had never been so happy to have been interrupted.

"Ew Keith," Courtney said trying to shove him off of us, "you are getting me soaked."

Noah came to our aid pulling him off of us. Olivia came to join us too, with a large bowl of chips that she had stolen from the kitchen and we ended up all sitting together, talking about the best and worst costumes, and poking fun at the people at the party. As we were sitting there, a couple who were pretty obviously drunk started making out heavily on the couch next to us. We all exchanged glances, supressing awkward smiles.

"So this is our cue to leave," I said, standing up.

"Yup, well this has been fun," Noah pulled Courtney to her feet, Keith and Olivia quickly followed suite.

"Jesus, I never thought I would see Ezio Auditore and Taylor Swift trying to make a baby on a viner's couch," Keith joked, shaking his head.

"I'm just surprised that you know who Ezio even is," Replied Noah.

We made our way towards the door as Courtney went to find Wahlid. A few minutes later she met up with us, saying that he was going to stay and get a ride home with a friend.

"Are you going to stay too? Or you still want to come back with us?" Olivia asked.

"This was fun, but I think I'm ready to go." Courtney replied, picking up her candy bag from where we had stashed them in the front hall cupboard.

We quickly said our goodbyes to the host, and soon we were all walking down the now much emptier streets back to our cars. I ended up walking with Courtney, commenting on the houses we were passing and pretending that we were professional decoration critics, if that was even a thing.

"That house over there," I said in my exaggerated announcer impression, "With its witches' brew, pumpkins, and delicately placed cobwebs, I think we have a winner. That is one sexy haunted house."

"Almost as sexy as me?"

"Shut up you're so stupid." I rolled my eyes. I should have known she wouldn't let that go.

She laughed to herself, "Shayne thinks I'm sexy."

I was glad it was dark enough out to hide my blush.

"You are ridiculous, I'm rescinding my previous statement, which I never actually said by the way."

"Nope! You can't take it back now" She grinned and I shoved her arm playfully.

"Once again you are an idiot."

"Ya, but a sexy idiot, am I right?"


	12. My Big What If

November 1st, 2017

I was getting out of shower at the gym, when I saw that Ian had texted the group chat. Drying off my hair with a towel, I clicked on the group to read the message.

 **Ian:** _Hey guys, change of plans. We're moving up production on the Real Cost sponsored video. We're going to film it all today because they want the video out by Monday. I sent you guys the script, look it over quickly and I'll see you all at the office in half an hour._

I quickly pulled on my work clothes, packed up my stuff, and headed to the parking lot. I decided to go straight to work and look over the script once I made it to the office. I was the first one to get there and I pulled out my laptop to look over my scenes.

The video was titled, 'What if Smoking Ruined Iconic Movie Moments'. It was a video idea we had discussed to bring awareness to the harmful effects smoking has on your body. Real Cost was a campaign or service mark of the US Department of Health and Human Services, who sponsored us to create a comedic but informative video for our audience. I read through the first few scenes before the others arrived, followed by Ian.

"Sorry that this is sort of last minute guys," he said hurriedly, "Defy just emailed me late last night about the change of plans."

"No worries," Courtney said. She had sat down at the table and pulled out her laptop as well to open the script.

"Alright, so we'll get this shot today and shoot the show with no name tomorrow morning instead. Did you look through the script yet?" he asked us.

"I got through about half of it." I replied and the rest of the squad nodded that they had as well.

"Ok great. The crew is setting up the studio, most of the scenes are going to be shot in there, but we're going to be filming a couple of them at the park later on because we need the water. Sorry about that by the way." He smiled sheepishly at us. "I'll leave you guys to get the lines down for now and then head over to costumes by 9:30. We're gonna have to hustle today."

Ian left the room and we all sat down at the table running lines. We went through lines for a Jurassic park scene, the 'Luke I am your father' scene, and a 'sleeping beauty' scene. I was feeling confident with the memorization as I scrolled down to the next page of the script. It was the scene in the rain from the notebook. My breath caught in my chest, I was playing Noah, and Courtney was playing Allie.

"Ohhhh, you guys are gonna kiss!" Noah snickered. And I rolled my eyes to cover up the full-blown freak out that was happening to me internally.

"Real mature Noah." Courtney drawled.

"Well it's about time you guys went through with it." Keith said.

"Wait, what?" I did a double take. Yeah, Damien knew, but I definitely hadn't told anyone else about my feelings for Courtney.

"I just mean that you guys are the only ones who haven't yet." He said innocently.

"True, the closest we came was me making out with Courtney's fake eyebrows" I quipped, referencing the 2007 vs 2017 video we did earlier that year. My heart beat slowed down a little as I realized he hadn't found me out.

"Don't forget our sims-like sex scene for EBE Sex Ed" Courtney shot back.

"How could I? That drawn on beard took forever to wash off." I joked.

I felt myself relax as we continued running the lines. It was just another day of filming, it was just a scripted kiss, I could get through this. I always had the opinion that the key to a successful love scene is to be dead inside. That was definitely going to be more of a challenge today. I would just have to keep reminding myself that these feelings were only one sided and it would all be ok. Or so I hoped.

We got through the script at around 9:30 and headed to costumes as Ian instructed. We were filming the studio and green-screen scenes first so I was outfitted in a torn and singed Jedi uniform and a prosthetic arm stub, while Keith wore a full-blown Darth Vader costume. Noah and Olivia were decked out in fairy-tale outfits and hair, and Courtney were dressed as her character for the pitch perfect scene. Walking down to the studio, we looked like quite an interesting group.

Shooting went well. We were pretty quick and efficient. We had to head back up to switch costumes a couple times and change the props for the scenes, but it went by quickly. Soon it was 3:00, and Courtney and I were stepping out of the van we had ridden to location. The fake blond beard glued to my face itched slightly as I followed Courtney towards the tent that had been set up in front of the lake. In front of it the crew had rigged a hanging sprinkler system to simulate rain.

Courtney and I went to stand in front of the camera. We adjusted our costumes as the crew finished final touches. It had hit me that it was about to happen, I was going to kiss Courtney, and I felt a swooping sensation in my stomach. Damn butterflies.

I looked over to her and saw that she was fiddling with the ends of her brown wig. Was I imagining that she looked a little anxious?

"Nervous?" I asked.

"What? Why would I be?"

I couldn't read her expression.

"I don't know," I replied with a half grin. "The rain machine is going to be freezing."

"Ya, whose great idea was this again?" she smiled back.

I was about to make a joke about hunting them down when Ryan came over to tell us we should get started. We moved apart, getting into position and I schooled my features as they turned on the sprinklers. I felt the water start to soak through my shirt as "Action!" was called.

"I wrote you every day for a year," I called dramatically, squinting through the 'rain' towards Courtney.

"You wrote me?" She asked. Her face full of surprise and hope.

"Yeah. It wasn't over, it still isn't over,"

I walked up to her purposefully, grabbed her by both arms and pulled her against me, capturing her lips in mine.

It was like the world was standing still for a moment. And I forgot where I was. All I could feel was Courtney pressed against me. One of her hands on my side, the other against my chest. And then as quickly as it started it was over.

Yanking herself away from me, she said "Uch, your mouth smells like an ash tray. It was over, and it still is."

"Cut!"

We both slipped out of our characters and I laughed awkwardly as Courtney play-punched my arm.

"So that happened" She grinned and her smile made me relax. We were friends, right? This was fine. It was just for a sketch. So-what if my heart was pounding loudly in my chest.

We ran the scene again and then once more for B-roll. I buried my emotions, deep down for those two rounds. I knew what was coming, and I tried hard to clear my mind and think about anything else, but I still felt a small flutter in my stomach when our lips met. In a way, the scene was torture for me, this isn't how I wanted it to happen. Kissing her like this was worse than not kissing her at all.

"Ok! Let's do one last one guys!" Ryan called to us from behind the camera.

We ran through the scene again, the lines now familiar on my lips. I walked towards Courtney once more with determination, gripped her arms and pressed my lips against hers. She kissed me back for a second before pulling away roughly and delivering her line. She gave me a disgusted look and turned away from me before jumping right over the edge of the dock and into the water.

I held character for a second, knowing the camera was focused on my face. As soon as they yelled cut, I burst out laughing.

"Did you just literally jump into a lake to get away from me?"

"What can I say? Kissing you does that to a woman," Courtney grinned up as me from the water. "Here, come help me out."

I leaned over the edge of the dock, still laughing slightly, and reach out for her hand to pull her out of the lake. I saw the glint in her eye as she grabbed my hand I knew what was coming a second before it happened. She yanked on my arm, pulling me down into the cold water as well.

I broke the surface of the lake sputtering. "You are so dead Courtney."

She cackled and splashed more water at me and I lunged for her, pulling her through the water as she laughed loudly.

"Shayne! Put me down!" She was waving her arms wildly, water flying everywhere, a huge grin on her face and I stopped pulling her, and wrapped my arms around her to stop her from flailing.

Suddenly I realized how close we were, and when she grinned up at me I could have counted her eye lashes. I felt myself holding my breath and Courtney's smile slowly started to fall off her face as she stared back at me.

"You guys going to come out of there? We have to start prepping for the next scene."

We were startled by Ryan's voice and Courtney quickly jumped back out of my arms.

"Oh, right!" She said, "Um, ya, let's go." She turned and waded back to the dock.

And just like that, the spell was broken and we were off to film the next scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they finally kissed! Lol It was such a big moment, I needed to talk about what was going on in story Shayne's head.


	13. So Deep

November 3rd, 2017 

Two days later, it was as if the kiss had never happened. Well I guess I expected that, but it was as if the weird moment in the water hadn't happened either. I didn't bring it up and neither did Courtney, which is fine by me. I wanted everything to be normal.

So, Damien knew about my feelings. I didn't count on him being such an idiot about it though. He seemed to think that what happened in the lake was proof that Courtney had feelings for me too. I could see him out of the corner of my eye grinning at me and Courtney as we walked towards the makeup room to get ready for the shoot today. We were finally filming the Justice League music video. Production had been pushed off because we were waiting on a couple of costumes that we had ordered, but finally we were shooting the damn thing. It was just in time too; the DC movie was coming out in a couple weeks and we wanted to release our video around the same time.

I would be playing aqua man, which entailed walking around shirtless for the day and having most of my upper body painted with fake tribal tattoos. I had shaved my chest and arm pits for the roll and I felt weirdly naked as I pulled off my shirt so that Rachel the makeup artist could get to work on my body art.

"Oooooo," Courtney cat called at me.

I pointedly ignored her shaking my head, and she chucked to herself, as Rachel started by sticking tape to my chest to create the tattoo patterns. Courtney sat in a rolly-chair next to me, laughing as I tried to hold still so that Rachel could finish the tattoo template.

BTS wandered into the room to film some content about the character prep. I filled them in on what was going on.

"So we are about to body paint me like Jason Momoa as aqua man in Justice league. And Uh, if you haven't seen the trailer, he has tons and tons of tattoos. So, we're going to try to mimic that as best we can. Obviously, I'm not Jason Momoa" I deadpanned at the camera, "So... the canvas is a little different. A little smaller."

"A little water boi," Courtney crooned from her seat, and I rolled my eyes at her in exasperation, a smile pulling on the corners of my lips. She had her legs up on the makeup desk and she pointed her phone towards me as the camera man left the room.

"How you doing?" She asked me in a silly voice smirking at me from behind her phone.

I waited a second before responding "Gooooood."

She put her phone down and grinned at me.

"I'm so glad that I don't have to go through that right now." She yawned, stretching her arms above her head, "You are going to be standing there for an hour."

"Thanks for reminding me" I replied sarcastically.

It had been 15 minutes already and Rachel had just finished up with the tape. I was getting a little antsy as she started to airbrush the black body paint onto my side. Luckily, or unluckily, there was a constant stream of cast members poking their head into the room to see how it was going. Courtney and I kept up our banter as she did her make up for the video. Once I had the left side of my body done, Rachel told me to take a break and let myself dry while she refilled the air brush canisters.

Courtney joined me in the hall and we started joking around, trying to do trick shots into the garbage can with a water bottle. I kicked the bottle up and hit it with my knee, shooting into the bin on my second try. I threw my hands up into the air in victory, and Courtney laughed at me.

"How does it feel to actually make a shot?"

I gave her a dirty look.

"Feels like glory... Also, I'm actually feeling weirdly cold. Must be the lack of body hair."

I sort of felt like I needed to make a joke about it. I had been in less clothing than this in many other videos, so I wasn't really sure why I was feeling so insecure today. Maybe it was because I was playing Jason Momoa, who I clearly was nowhere near as cut as. Or maybe it was because of these pesky feelings that were now constantly on my mind since that kiss. My attention was brought back to the girl in front of me as she remarked;

"You know, it's so weird to see you without the chest hair. I like the real, manly, Shayne."

"Um, thanks?" I said awkwardly, shifting my weight and running a hand through my already messy hair.

She looked away from me quickly, did I imagine that she was blushing? I had to stop listening to Damien, he was getting in my head, making me think there was a chance she liked me back. I had to remember not to get my hopes up, Courtney didn't think of me as anything more than a friend.

My brain spiral was interrupted by Keith and Noah, who walked out of the costume room dressed in Cyborg and Superman outfits respectively.

"Woah Shanye, looking good," Keith grinned.

"But why does he look more like Chris Evans, than Aqua Man right now?" Noah asked.

"Possibly because I'm white," I replied, earning a laugh from the boys and a good-natured eye roll from Courtney.

"Well, anyways," Keith continued, "We're going to start practicing the dance Court. We'll show it to you later Shayne, once you're done _this_." He said, gesturing to my body.

"I love how I'm going to have the smallest amount of time to learn the moves, when I'm literally the most inept dancer in this office," I called after them as they headed towards the studio space.

"You'll be fine," Courtney called back, but she shook her head me, eyes wide, supressing a grin. She clearly had zero faith that I would get the moves down.

I smiled to myself as I headed back to make up to finish my transformation. About 40 minutes later I was completely painted, wigged, and facial haired, and I headed towards the studio to film my part of the music video. I walked in just as they were starting Courtney's scene.

She stood in front of one of the lit-up alcoves as the camera circled around her.

"I demonstrate my confidence," she sang over the track that was playing.

I couldn't help but be entranced by her as she performed her part. She looked so incredibly bad ass in the Wonder Woman costume and dark wig, her intense eyes flashing in the coloured lighting. She walked slowly towards the camera, cranking up the tension, and then jumping right into the choreographed fight scene, fake kicking at Josh and Sunny as they jumped out at her. My leather pants started to feel a little tight and I quickly started thinking about dead puppies, my grandma, Joven, anything else.

"Oh my god, don't be gross Shayne. You are not this guy," My brain shouted at itself and I felt my body relax. Thank god. Damien was right, keeping these feelings inside was going to slowly kill me.

They finished the scene and I complimented Courtney on her bad-assery as she bounced off of set towards me. She grinned at me in thanks and pushed me onto the set so I could get into position to shoot my part.

I acted absolutely ridiculously, which was understandable since I was basically singing about fucking whales. Between takes I could hear Courtney's belly laughs mixed in with the rest of the crew, who were all having trouble keeping a straight face while I preformed my scene.

"Oh my Godddd," She wheezed, and reached for my shoulder for support as I walked off the set after the shoot, "You are so dumb."

"I try," I grinned back, feeling my arm burn where she was touching me. I felt embarrassed about the way she was affecting me today, and I pulled away subtly and asked her to help teach me the dance. She led me to the squad room to meet up with Keith and Noah.

As we walked and she continued to make jokes about my risqué Aqua Man re-enactment, and I made the mental decision to get back out there. Into the dating world. I couldn't have my feelings for Courtney continue to affect me this way. If that meant that I had to try and distract myself to move on, I would do it. I just had to get her out of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please PLEASE forgive me for giving Shayne a boner in this chapter! But let's be real, can you really blame him? lol
> 
> Also, it's getting to the point where I want to show Courtney's POV and her feelings, but I'm committed to keeping this a Shayne POV story. BUT, I have been trying to show in the past couple chapters that Courtney does have some confused feeling for Shayne as well.


	14. First Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of last chapter, Shayne sticks with his resolve to get over Courtney and sets up a date with a girl he met at the gym.

November 14th, 2017

As it got closer to December, Smosh was thrown into planning our holiday themed content. Because we film videos two-three weeks in advance to their release, Christmas spirit began in mid-November. Today, we were shooting "Anti-Santa Protest gone wrong" and I was dressed up in a suit outside the Smosh office building.

It was a slow-moving day and we were waiting on sound. I sat on one of the cement benches near the front of the building, phone in hand, waiting for Sophia's reply. I had taken my decision to get back out there seriously and had finally asked out this girl I met at the gym.

She seemed cool and normal, not too LA. She didn't work in show business, but as a nurse, which was a positive point to me. We had met about a month earlier and hit it off but I wasn't really in the dating mindset so I ignored the hints that she was interested. Last Tuesday though, I walked up to her as she was picking out her weights and asked her for her number.

"What took you so long?" she joked, shooting me a genuine smile and taking my phone to punch in her digits.

"What can I say? I'm obviously an idiot" I replied, eliciting a laugh from her.

We finished up our work outs together and just talked. It felt easy. I pushed Courtney out of my mind and tried to focus on the girl in front of me. When we were done, I told her I would text her later. I held up on my promise and we've been speaking casually for the past week.

I had just sent a text asking her if she was free tomorrow night and was waiting on her response. I felt weirdly nervous and awkward, second guessing the format of my text, and the words I used. It wasn't like I was so into this girl. I mean don't get me wrong, Sophia was kind, beautiful, smart, everything that a guy should be looking for, but my nervousness definitely had more to do with the woman walking towards me now.

"Hey Shayne, why do you look like you're waiting on a judge's verdict?" Courtney asked me.

Her character for today was a hippie protester and she wore a long brown dreadlocked wig, which she weirdly was able to pull off. She flipped the 'hair' over her shoulder, waiting for me to reply.

"Uh, no reason," I said, quickly stowing my phone in my suit jacket pocket.

"Rightttt." She replied, looking at me suspiciously before quickly lunging for my phone.

I ducked away from her instinctually, protectively holding onto my jacket pocket. She reached her arms around mine, trying to wrestle my hands away from my phone. When she saw that I wasn't going to loosen my grip she started lightly hitting me, probably with the intention of annoying me until I gave in. She poked at my arms and then started to tap at my face. Her second tap was more of a slap, shocking me slightly and she jumped back from me, hands over her mouth.

"Oh god, sorry!" She laughed, and I widened my eyes comically, bringing my hand up as if to strike and shuffling closer to her. She squealed and backed away from me almost toppling over the concrete bench, but catching herself.

"Ok fine, I give up." She sighed over dramatically, now resting on the bench and I shook my head at her, smirking

"You are too much Courtney."

Just then my phone pinged and I pulled it out of its secure place in my pocket to check the message. It was a reply from Sophia.

_**Sophia:** Hey! Sounds good to me, I'm free at 7:00 :)_

I started typing up a reply when from over my shoulder I heard Courtney ask, "Who's Sophia?" 

I blushed hard and slid my phone back into my pocket. I turned around to face Courtney, she was watching me expectantly. 

"Just a girl I met at the gym." I answer hastily, silently praying that she wouldn't ask any more questions, but Courtney obviously had other plans.

"When did this start? Is this a first date?"

I nodded, "Ya, we only just started talking. It's not serious or anything," I didn't really want to be talking about this with her, but I was also very curious about what she thought.

Her expression was schooled as she replied "That's great though. I'm, um, happy that you're getting back out there."

"I have to come out to feed every few months to maintain my super powers." I joked, hoping to lighten the slight tension I felt in the air.

Courtney laughed breathily at my comment. Once again I couldn't really read her face, but there was something slightly off about her voice. Then again, it was probably wishful thinking, because she quickly smiled genuinely at me.

"Well you better take her somewhere nice. You've gotta make a good first impression."

"What do you suggest?" I asked curiously, I planned on taking her to this arcade bar that I went to sometimes. It was good because there were tables to sit, talk, and drink at, but the games acted as a good ice breaker.

Courtney thought about it for a second before answering

"I don't know, maybe the pier, but it might not be the type. Or, oh!" she interrupted her own thought, "Take her to the passage, that nighttime bike riding tour! You met at the gym so she must be somewhat athletic. It stops at a pool place and I think a donut shop too. I've always wanted to do that."

"That actually sounds pretty cool Court, but I think I'll put it on the back burner."

"What, my idea isn't good enough for your first date?" She teased, eyes sparkling as she looked up at me.

"No, more like it's too good of any idea to waste on a first date," I replied. "I mean, I don't really know this girl yet, I'd rather do that with someone I was closer with."

She grinned at me but before she could reply, Ryan called us to set to get started on the sketch. As we got into position, I was left to imagine what it would be like if Courtney and I were to do the biking tour instead.


	15. Squad Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After real thanksgiving, the squad get together and have their own thanksgiving dinner.

Thanksgiving Nov 23rd ---> Squad Thanksgiving Nov 26th, 2017

My first date with Sophie had been great. She laughed at my jokes and shared a lot of my interests. She was competitive like me and we had a lot of fun cursing at the arcade games when we didn't win. She had a great smile and an infectious positivity. By the time we went on our third date, I had stopped thinking of her as a distraction and gave into the easy and carefree time we were having together. We definitely weren't official by any means, but I was having fun spending time with her.

It was the Sunday after thanksgiving and I had just gotten back from visiting my family in Florida for the holidays. It was so good to see everyone, and crazy how fast my nieces were growing. That was one thing I really missed living out in LA, being able to see my family every day. But it was nice to be able to visit them for the holidays.

Before we all left for the weekend, the squad had planned a secondary Thanksgiving, one that would be happening tonight. Well, I use the term _planned_ loosely. We all decided that we would be doing something together for thanksgiving. What that something was; no clue.

My phone lit up as Courtney texted the squad group chat.

_-The Gang-_

**Courtney:** Hoo Hoo

 **Courtney:** So, what's the plan guys?

 **Keith:** Ya, where we going?

 **Noah:** Anywhere but for Indian food, my poor butt hole can't take it.

 **Shayne** : Pretty logical, I think we should cross off any place that'll give us endless diarrhea

 **Courtney:** So Chipotle's out too then

 **Olivia:** Tbh why don't u guys come over to my place and I'll cook for us like real Thanksgiving?

 **Keith:** I was literally waiting for u to offer Liv Liv

 **Olivia:** Great! It's settled, 7?

We all agreed on 7 at Olivia's and I told Keith and Courtney I would pick them up on the way. After a little procrastination, I put down my phone and went to change for dinner. I threw on a patterned button down I recently bought and some dark jeans. I double checked my hair, fixing it quickly before grabbing my keys and heading out the door to pick up my friends. It's not like I really felt the need to impress the squad, they've literally seen me painted white in nothing but my underwear, but I felt like thanksgiving, even fake thanksgiving, deserved a little more thought.

I went to pick Courtney up first, she only lived about five minutes away from me. I pulled up outside her building and texted her that I was there. I fixed my hair again in the rearview mirror... for reasons. She texted back a couple minutes later 'Shit! I'm coming!' and five minutes after that she was yanking open the passenger-side door and falling into the seat beside me.

"Sorry! I fell asleep, your text woke me up."

She looked slightly harassed and I stifled a laugh at the frazzled expression on her face as she pulled on her seat belt.

"What are you laughing at frog legs?"

"Just you." I grinned, throwing the car into reverse and pulling out of the lot.

"Nice," She rolled her eyes. "Anyways, how was Florida?"

I told her it was good and handed her my phone to see some pictures from the weekend. She told me how adorable my nieces are, and then told me about how her holiday went. I loved the way her eyes light up when she talked about her family. We soon got to Keith's place and finally made our way over to Olivia's.

As Keith, Courtney and I opened the door to Olivia's apartment my jaw dropped. Olivia had gone all out, setting the table with nice dishes, and an actual table cloth. She had even put fall coloured flowers and a few candles along the centre of the table. Noah was already in the kitchen with her, helping with the food. The pleasant smells were wafting towards us making my mouth start to water. I hadn't really eaten much today.

"Woah Olivia, I love my family, but you really know how to do a thanksgiving." Keith exclaimed.

"Thanks!" Olivia squealed as she stirred the sauce in the pan on her stove. "You know I love cooking guys."

We walked towards the kitchen to help, but Olivia held up a hand.

"The Kitchen is already too crowded. There's not enough moving space. Keith, you can stay but Shayne, Court, go sit on the couch for a bit."

I had planning on offering to help but I grinned at her instead.

"Don't have to tell me twice."

"Why do they get to go?" Keith complained, as Courtney and I moved away from the kitchenette, leaving him behind, and plunked ourselves down on the sofa.

"She likes us better than you," Courtney called back to him cheekily.

I thought I heard Keith grumble something about us just wanting the alone time. I looked over at Courtney quickly to see if she had heard him but she was looking down at her phone, and had seemingly heard nothing. Looking up at me when she noticed my gaze, Courtney hastily slid her phone back into her pocket and leaned back into the couch cushions.

"So how are things going with Sophia?" Courtney asked me casually.

"They're, good." I replied, "She's great, and things are easy, not complicated, which is a good change, you know?"

Courtney nodded. I noticed that she was twisting her hands in her lap.

"I'm glad that things are, uh, easy." she said clearing her throat.

"You're being weird," I laughed nervously.

"I just want you to be happy, I don't want to see you get hurt again Shayne."

My insides melted a little at her words. If only she knew how happy I would be if I were with her. But instead of sharing my thoughts I nodded in thanks.

"Thanks Court. You don't have to worry about me though. I promise I'm doing good."

"I've got your back though, if you need anything," She smiled.

"I know."

"Ok guys, It's all ready. You can come help bring the food to the table." Olivia called to us from the kitchen.

Courtney and I pulled ourselves up off the sofa and headed towards the rest of our friends. We helped bring the salad, chicken, and rice to the table and sat down in front of our plates.

"This is incredibly professional Liv," Courtney commented. "It all looks so good."

"Thanks!"

"Should we go around and say what we're thankful for?" Courtney asked and Keith groaned.

"You're so corny."

"Come on guys, let's get into the spirit!" She clasped my hand in hers and reached across the table to grab Olivia's as well.

"Ok then," I said, "We're doing this apparently." and Courtney grinned at me as I grabbed Noah's hand with my free one.

"I'm thankful for my friends and family, and that everyone was able to come here tonight." Olivia sang.

"I'm thankful that Olivia can cook." Noah said, earning laugh from the rest of us.

"I'm thankful that Olivia was the one who volunteered to cook and not Courtney. Ow Court!"

Courtney smirked at me as I rubbed my arm. She then closed her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. I felt her hand grasp mine slightly tighter as she said;

"I'm thankful for my family, and my friends who are my second family. I don't know what I would do without you guys."

"Aw, Courtney we're thankful for you too." Keith said.

"Amen." Agreed Noah, "Now can we eat?"

We all dug in, piling our plates with the chicken, rice and salad that Olivia had prepared. We talked about our other thanksgivings and our families and friends and work. We laughed and teased each other, I nearly choked on my chicken twice. We fought over who was going to break the wish bone that Noah had brought, and then argued about whether wishbones were fair on not. It was all in all a great 'thanksgiving'.

There was this moment though, before we all started filling our plates with food, when we were all still holding hands. I looked around at my friends, their smiling faces, and whatever mixed feelings I had for Courtney, I felt genuinely thankful that I had somehow managed to end up surrounded by this amazing group of people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this is a Shourtney story, I do want to say that I have so much love for the rest of the squad. They make me laugh so hard on even the worst days and I love just watching their antics and their different personalities and their friendships!
> 
> So even though this book is very Shayne and Courtney centric, I do love adding in bits about the rest of the squad. In this case, I felt thanksgiving was a good opportunity


	16. What are we?

_December 5th, 2017_

"So, we'll be doing 'Put it in My Mouth' first, then Sleepover, and then we'll set up for the ginger bread house building video. We'll do the slip and slide last because everyone's going to get wet and dirty in that one." Sunny explained.

"I'm confused as to why you think the other videos will end any differently," I joked to a general eye roll from my friends and a jab in the ribs via Courtney's elbow.

It was just after 9 am and our schedule was pretty jam packed with filming multiple videos for Smosh pit. The squad was hanging out in a crew member's house that we had taken over for the shoots today, and the space was dressed with Christmas decorations as a backdrop for our holiday themed videos.

"I'm glad to be able to bring this show back for the holidays, but I just realized that I'm going to be eating who knows what and it's not even 10 in the morning. This is the worst plan." Noah complained as he moved to stand in front of the camera.

"Oh you'll be fine," Sunny smirked at him good naturedly, and he counted down to the start of the shoot.

I started off sitting at the table in the back of Noah's PIIMM set as a joke, but soon I realized how tired I was, and I was grateful to not be standing up in front of the cameras with Noah. With my eyes closed, my surroundings became sort of a blur. I could hear my friends gagging on whatever weird food they were trying at the other end of the room but I was able to zone it out and remain relatively still. If there was one thing I respected, it was the ability to land a drawn-out joke, which was my intention for the video.

I was only shaken out of my reverie when I heard Courtney's voice ask, "Shouldn't we wake him up?"

A small grin sprang to my lips. And I opened my eyes, brandished the knife in my hand dramatically and jumped to my feet yelling. My friends matched my screams as I barreled towards them. I put Noah in a loose choke hold, and muttered, "Go to sleep, go to sleep," slowly pulling him down behind the kitchen island as he screamed "No!"

Laughing we stood back up and repositioned ourselves in front of the table. Sunny told us to turn around so that he could bring out the final holiday food for us to try.

"I don't like this; I don't like this at all." Noah said from behind me.

"Aw, I'm sure it's not going to that bad," Courtney said. She had an arm slung around Keith's shoulder and I could hear them laughing from behind me. I kept my eyes forward and tried not to wish that was me. I had a girlfriend after all. But Noah was right to be worried about what they were bringing out, because we turned around on cue to see a large roasted boar head, completed with an apple in its mouth. Courtney immediately screamed.

"I'm going to go vegan again" She moved around the table and closer to me, not bothering to cover up her disgust at the plate in front of her.

"I'm not gonna lie, I may go vegan too." I agreed with her.

I made a couple more obligatory jokes before remarking, "I must continue my slumber." And I headed back to my seat at the table. It wasn't long before Courtney joined me.

"Ugh, I'm actually physically nauseated," She whispered to me across the dinner plates.

"It's just so not for me," I whispered back, before resting my head on the table. I could feel her knee brushing against mine beneath it, sending a jolt through my body and a slight blush to my cheeks. We were silent for a minute as Noah and Olivia continued talking to the camera. Once they had actually tried the boar, Courtney patted my arm.

"This is probably the smartest bit you've done for a video, you are basically just sleeping through the shoot," she shot me a small smile before going back to stand next to Noah and Olivia to do the outro.

The others finished up the video, and then we all took a small break before starting the next shoot. Tired, I settled down against some pillows that were set up on the floor in front of the glass sliding door that lead to the backyard. I pulled out my phone to check my messages as Courtney dropped down next to me, taking her phone out as well. She was recording silly videos for Snapchat and was bothering me playfully as usual. I ignored her as a joke and played into her bits which made her grin and made me feel warm inside. We had been sitting comfortably for a few minutes when I heard her say;

"So like, what are we?"

I looked up to see Courtney holding her phone out in front of us recording another Snapchat video. She had a heart filter floating around our faces and a funny expression on hers. I paused for a moment before patting at her cheek playfully and she wiggled away from me complaining that I would ruin her highlight.

She laughed as she posted the video to her story. I felt my stomach drop as she did it. It sort of hurt me that the thought of us being a thing was funny enough to be a joke on Snapchat. But it also worried me that people would think we were something more than we really were.

Hesitantly I said, "You know I'm dating Sophia, right?"

She looked up from her phone with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Um, ya of course I know that, and I'm with Wahlid. Why are you mentioning it?"

"I don't know, I- just" I was struggling to find the right words and I regretted saying anything at all.

"What's got your boxers in a twist?" She was sitting up now, looking at me confused.

"I just, I don't want to lead fans on" I shrugged, trying to play off my feelings, but even I could hear that my voice had a bit of an edge to it.

"I mean it was just a joke!" She exclaimed hitting my arm, "Jeez, what is up with you today?"

I sat up straighter too, shaking my head.

"Sorry, I'm just tired I guess."

I felt guilty about sort of snapping at her. It was difficult for me to be trying so hard to push the feelings I had for her away. It was even harder when she played into the fandom's enthusiasm for our 'relationship'. She held my gaze, still looking slightly concerned for me.

"Really, it's all good. I haven't been sleeping well... stressed about finals coming up. I'm fine." I added.

I held her stare, hoping she bought my excuse. Finally, she nodded and settled back down against the pillows.

Folding her arms behind her head she said, "You know, my offer to help you study is still open."

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks Court." I grinned, settling back down as well.

The rest of the day was mostly spent joking around. That was one of the great things about our videos for smoshpit. They were structured, but they allowed for a lot of goofing off. Courtney and I were definitely on another level today. We made fun of each other all through the gingerbread house video, and physically wrestled each other to the floor after the slip and slide.

After the final shoot, I was even more tired than I was when I started the day, and unfortunately I really did need to get some studying done tonight for my finals. Dreading the night that I had ahead of me, I walked towards my parked car.

"Shayne! Wait up!"

I stopped and turned around, my keys help in my hand, posed to unlock my car. Courtney was jogging towards me, bag slung over her shoulder. She caught up to me, slightly out of breath, and I waited for her to speak.

"So I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Pay for dinner and I'll let you teach me psychology?"

I was going to say that I was tired or that I had a lot to do and I felt like I would study more effectively by myself, but she had a slight smile on her lips and looked sort of nervous that I would turn her down, and I knew I couldn't say no to her. I also knew that I didn't want to.

Grinning, I replied, "Sure Miller. Will Chinese food buy your studying services?"

"Sounds good to me!" She grabbed my keys from my hand and pressed unlock before throwing them back to me and slipping through the passenger side door and into the seat.

We called the Chinese takeout place and made an order to pick up on our way to my apartment. Courtney volunteered to go in and get the food and I passed her my wallet. As I waited for her to return with the food, I thought about the day. After the slip and slide I had fought back valiantly against Courtney's 'attack' even though the other guys had refused to wrestle Courtney and Olivia. I was trying to prove a point to myself that we were friends, that this wasn't weird. I was over compensating for our conversation earlier. 

I knew that I wasn't able to stay away from her, and honestly at this point? I was finding it unlikely that these feelings would ever go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was heavily inspired by the smoshpit videos and snap-chat stories that I mentioned in it. I'm still morning the @shaynerobberttopp account on instagram that used to have an archive of all the insta stories that shayne was in. Thats sort of where I got a lot of the info and timeline stuff for this story.


	17. New Years Eve

December 31st, 2017 – January 1st, 2018

Christmas break had been great. It was nice to spend time away from the office and clear my head. I had spent Christmas itself with my family and had flown back to LA on the 30th. Tonight, we had an office party for new years at Ian's place. Everyone who was back in town was coming, cast and crew included. I had also invited Sophia to come with me. We had been dating for a couple months now and she had mentioned wanting to meet my friends. I knew that a lot of people were bringing their partners and I thought it would be a good opportunity to introduce her to everyone.

We walked through the door and were immediately greeted by Ian who was wearing a very corny party hat that said 2018 on it in large gold letters.

"Shayne!" he exclaimed, "Glad you could make it."

"Of course man," I replied grinning. I introduced him to Sophia and she ducked her head shyly, telling him he had a beautiful home.

We made our way into the main area where most of the cast and crew were already milling about, talking and drinking. I grabbed Sophia's hand and made my way towards Damien, Boze, Keith, and Noah who were standing by the snack table.

"Shanye!" Keith called, slapping me in the shoulder.

I introduced Sophia to them as well. She was starting to warm up to them and even made a few jokes. I was glad that she was feeling comfortable, and was happy it was going well. I always felt awkward introducing girls I dated to my friends, and worried that it would feel forced, but this was going very smoothly. I found myself smiling, one hand on Sophia's lower back, until I noticed a certain blond heading towards our group and I felt my stomach sink through my toes again.

"Hey guys, happy New Years!" She grinned, bouncing up to us and coming to a stop next to Boze. She turned to Sophia and stuck out her hand. "You must be Sophia. Hi, I'm Courtney."

Smiling politely Sophia took her hand and shook it.

"So you're, Courtney, I've heard a lot about you."

"Good things I hope," Courtney grinned nervously.

"Oh don't worry, nothing too bad." Sophia joked.

I felt myself blush, had I mentioned her too often? But then Damien made a joke about something and Boze said something ridiculous and the conversation moved on. I felt myself start to relax again as my friends continued to speak. I pushed any confusing thoughts I had out of my mind and tried to enjoy the party and the company.

* * *

I was having a great time with my friends. They all seemed to like Sophia and it was great to catch up with everyone and hear about their holidays. We all spent so much of our time together that it had been weird not seeing each other for the past week.

Courtney had been telling me a hilarious story about how her younger brother had knocked over the Christmas tree when I realized that I hadn't seen Sophia in a little while. I excused myself from my friends to see where she had gotten off to. After checking the kitchen and dining room, I caught a glimpse of her brown hair outside the window and I headed out the door to see what she was doing. I found her standing at the edge of the drive way, arms wrapped around herself against the cool breeze.

"Hey, where'd you go?" I asked

Without looking back at me, she answered, "I didn't think you'd notice."

Her voice was cold. I was confused, and a feeling of dread filled my stomach as I walked up to stand next to her.

"What?"

"Come on Shayne, you obviously aren't as invested in this relationship as I am."

Of course, I couldn't honestly disagree with her. I didn't really view our two months of dating as an actual relationship. But I protested anyways.

"I care about you."

"Maybe," She replied with a wry smile, "but you care about Courtney more."

I was taken aback. speechless, I still opened my mouth to reply, but she shook her head. "Don't try to deny it, you laughed at every joke she made tonight. I could see you looking at her when you thought no one else was. I just know Shayne."

I didn't know what to say. I was dating Sophia to get over Courtney and that was apparently so obvious that she was ending things. The thing is, even though I wasn't very invested in the relationship long term, I did enjoy spending time with Sophia. I did care for her. I didn't mean to hurt her.

"I'm really sorry Sophia, I really do think you are great.'

"But you want her."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok," she shrugged and tried to smile. "We had a good run, and I think you're pretty great too Shayne."

She paused before adding, "But a bit of advice. Either tell her how you feel or find a way to get over her, because pining after her forever is just going to end up hurting you, and you're going to end up hurting more people."

Her Uber pulled up and she hugged me goodbye before hopping in and pulling out into the night. I headed back into the party, head spinning slightly. Courtney was standing near the door when I came in.

"Where'd Sophia go?" She asked me.

I kept my expression neutral as I replied that she wasn't feeling great and had to head home. I didn't really want to make a big deal of what just happened or tell anyone just yet.

"Oh man, she's going to miss the count down!" Courtney said. "That sucks."

"Ya, I guess."

"Wahlid said he'd be here," She looked down at her watch and frowned, "But it's going to be midnight in a minute, so I don't think he'll make it."

"I guess we're both missing out on New Year's kisses this year then." I joked, trying to keep the mood light. Everyone had started to gather round the TV as the countdown began, and we shuffled closer as well.

"10! 9! 8!-"

"Shayne?"

"7! 6! 5!-"

I looked over at Courtney, "Yeah?"

"4! 3! 2!-"

She grinned as everyone shouted one and a loud cheer sounded. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, dangerously close to the corner of my mouth. She lingered for a moment before pulling back and smiling sheepishly at me.

"Happy New Year."

I smiled back, a blush creeping onto my cheeks. They felt warm where her lips had touched me. Sophia's words replayed in my mind and I had a sudden urge to come clean to Courtney. To tell her everything. Maybe it was a good idea, maybe everything would be ok.

"Courtney, I have to tell you something."

But Courtney was looking past my shoulder towards the doorway. I turned around to see Wahlid walking towards us.

"Sorry. I got held up at my friend's party. I'm not too late, I hope." he grinned, taking a hold of Courtney and pulling her in for a kiss.

I backed up out of the way as he had stepped right between Courtney and I. An uncomfortable wave of jealousy, hurt, and guilt ran beneath my skin and I turned away from the two of them to move towards the rest of my friends. But after taking a step I rethought it, heading towards the door instead. It was stupid of me to think that I should tell Courtney how I felt. Sophia was wrong. It was my turn to be walking outside.

I had just put my phone back in my pocket after calling an Uber ( _He finally installed the app lol_ ) when Courtney walked up beside me.

'Hey, I was wondering where you went."

Startled by her sudden appearance, I ran a hand through my hair before answering, "Oh I just thought I should head out. I'm feeling a bit tired."

"Anyone ever tell you that you're an old man inside a 26-year-old's body?" She teased.

"Nice one Miller," I rolled my eyes at her and she laughed.

"Well anyways, what was it you were going to tell me? Before Wahlid came in, I mean."

Her green eyes shown bright in the moon light as she stared at me expectantly. I wanted to confess, to get it all off my chest, but it was no use. I lost my nerve as soon as Wahlid had walked in.

"Nothing, uh, just happy New Year's." I replied instead.

"Happy New Years, stupid."

She waited with me outside until my ride came a couple minutes later. She hugged me good bye and wished me a good night with a grin on her face. Her genuine, carefree smile hurt my heart. As my car pulled away from Ian's house I realized that I had managed to hurt two people tonight; Sophia and myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of my favourites to write for this story. Poor Sophia, but also poor Shayne was so close to spilling his secret! I think Shayne is the type of guy to really be in denial and stew on things for a long time. I also wanted to keep the ending between Shayne and Sophia really respectful, and I wanted it to push Shayne to do something about what he's feeling for Court in the coming chapters. 
> 
> Things are going to come to a head in a couple chapters I promise, I'm just trying to get them to the spring. I really want to stay true to a potentially feasible time line. Big stuff is on its way!


	18. A Little Family

January – February 15th, 2018

You know when you've just been living with a certain reality for so long that it just starts to feel normal? Well, that's sort of what it's become with my feelings for Courtney.

It's sad, I know. Pathetic even.

Some would say that it's unhealthy to keep your feelings inside like this. Damien is definitely one of those people. He's been pressing me more and more recently to just come out with it and tell Courtney. Especially after I told him about how my break up with Sophia went down. I had come so close to telling her how I feel, but of course as soon as I saw Wahlid, I chickened out. It was understandable, right? I don't know.

So, still I suppressed it. And soon January had passed and we were well into February with no change in my resolve to keep my... uh secret. I mean I really had no reason to tell her, besides for relieving my 'emotional torture,' as Damien called it. But it still wouldn't change anything, Courtney was still with Wahlid, or the other guy as I had taken to calling him in my brain. And I was still just her friend that she joked around with, made fun of, and got made fun of by.

She had been weird when I told her that Sophia and I had ended things. She just sort of nodded sympathetically but she didn't really bring it up again after that. Obviously, I didn't tell her the real reason why we had broken up, just that we had wanted different things, and that the relationship had run its course.

Ya. I really said all that vague bull crap.

I also omitted that fact that it had happened at the New Year's party, letting her believe that it had happened a couple week after. I did feel a bit guilty about lying to her about that, but what else could I do? And luckily she didn't suspect me of my little white lie.

Today I was filming another smoshpit weekly video with Damien. They were always a good time and I was excited to just goof around with my friend. It was always interesting to read off the teleprompter, it led to some stupid funny scenarios. We were starting a new segment today, called 'Tag Out News' where we would be switching accents according to whatever Josh yelled to us, so that was gonna be fun. I was always up for butchering an accent.

However, they weren't ready for me yet, so in the meantime, I was waiting the squad office with Courtney. She was working on a script while I sat around. She had brought Jango into work today and he was sniffing around the office curiously.

She had been doing that a lot recently which was very fine with me. The cast and crew liked having him around, and Courtney definitely did too. If I thought about it, I could still hear the way her voice sounded when she told me she was officially getting a puppy. She had been so excited. But that was nothing compared to the sparkle in her eyes the first time she introduced him to us.

"This is Jango," She said beaming and holding him tightly against her chest. "Guys, I got a freaking puppy!"

That was a few weeks ago and he was already a pretty consistent tenant at our office. It was great that we worked somewhere that they didn't mind Courtney bringing her new puppo.

Courtney leaned back, twisting from side to side in her office chair, as she played idly with her newly cropped hair. I was slowly inching towards Jango, trying to see how long it would take for him to notice me.

I got about a foot away from him before he realized and quickly scooted out of the way of my hands. I knelt down on the floor next to him, clicked my tongue and patted my knees. He quickly turned back around and jumped up onto my chest, trying to lick my face.

"Ugh, Jango, stop." I said in fake disgust and Courtney laughed at the pair of us.

"Would you ever get a dog?" Courtney asked me as I wrestled Jango playfully off of me.

"I don't know," I answered, scratching behind her puppy's ears as he wagged his tail enthusiastically. "Maybe one day."

She smiled at the two of us, settling down onto the floor beside me. "You're just so good with him. I can't believe you're a cat person."

I laughed, "I mean I wouldn't say that. I can like both."

"I beg to differ," Courtney argued back light heartedly. "You've gotta pick a team. That's just how it works."

"Well fine then, if _YOU_ say that's what I have to do," I replied sarcastically and she knocked her shoulder against mine, rolling her eyes at my attitude.

Jango perked his head up at us, tongue wagging, before nuzzling back against my shoe. I scratched his back again as Courtney smoothed the fur at the top of his head.

Just then Olivia walked into the room

"You guys are so cute!" She grinned at us. "You look like a little family."

She leaned against the desk in front of us and gave Courtney a significant look. Courtney shot a pointed glare back at her.

"You guys are weird," I said, I was blushing slightly at her comment and was sort of lost as to what was going on between the two of them. Olivia just grinned at me.

"Don't worry about it Shayne," she said dismissively. "By the way, Josh sent me to come get you. They're ready for you to start filming.

"Great," Courtney said scooping Jango up into her arms, "Maybe now I'll actually get some writing done."

"Yeah right," I shot back at her, as I pushed myself up to my feet. "Don't act like it was me who was the problem here."

"You're always the problem Shayne." She replied with a slight grin. "Have fun with Dames."

"Don't miss me too much," I drawled sarcastically, and she nodded up me still grinning before going to sit back down at her desk and opening her laptop back up.

Olivia chuckled at me as I passed by her, "You guys are ridiculous."

I shrugged at her absently and headed out the door. As I walked down the hall towards the set to film Smoshpit Weekly, I couldn't stop the smile from playing on my lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I love Jango and I just love to write Olivia trolling Shayne and Court lol


	19. Sleepover

March 11th, 2018

It was 11:57, and I was sitting on my bed, scrolling through twitter when Courtney's name flashed across my phone screen. I hastily picked up and cleared my throat.

"Courtney? What's up?"

"Hey," Courtney's voice sounded slightly muffled through the phone. "Are you home right now?"

"Yeah I am, is everything OK?"

  
"Yeah. Yes. Sort of. I just wanted to know if I can maybe stay over tonight."

  
Slightly taken aback I answered "For sure, of course you're welcome."

  
"OK good," she let out a sort of stifled chuckle, "because I'm right outside your door"  
  


I pulled my phone away from my ear and quickly headed towards my front door. I pulled it open to reveal Courtney in what looked like a sweatshirt and pajama pants holding a sleepy looking Jango and a backpack, her eyes rimmed in red.

"Oh my god. What happened?" I asked as I pulled her through the door and against my chest. She dropped her bag and wrapped her free arm tightly around me and mumbled something into my shoulder.   
  
"What is it?" I asked her rubbing her back.

"I just can't handle it anymore." She murmured pulling away and wiping her face on the back of her hand. She gently set Jango down on my couch and turned back to face me.

What I noticed the most was how tired she looked. I had started to realize it over the past couple weeks, but it was only there in quick instances, and then she was back to her normal self again. Tonight, however, it was written clearly across her face.

"So can I ask what you're doing here?" I questioned cautiously.

"I was having a bit of a bad day and I- I didn't want to be alone tonight." She wasn't looking at me, but rather at her hands. "I sort of just got into my car and started driving and I ended up here."

I nodded at her, but I was sort of surprised that she drove to my apartment and not Olivia's. Well I guess we did live closest to each other, but I also liked the idea that she trusted me to help her out like this.

"Hold on, let me make you a tea or something," I said and hurried towards my kitchen.

She dropped her bag to the floor and went to sit down at my kitchen table to wait for me. I came back with two peppermint teas. Handing one to her, I pulled out the chair across from her and sat down. Courtney smiled in thanks, took a sip, and then spoke.

"Do you ever feel like your life just got so off track? Like something that felt so sure a year ago is just crumbling and you don't know if you can stop it?"

I stayed silent for a moment, my mind spinning, and then replied.

"Ya, all the time."

She gave me a small watery smile, "I don't know what to do. What should I do?"

It was tough for me to see Courtney like this. Mostly because I knew what a strong person she was. She was such a constant pillar of light that it didn't sit right with me to see her looking so dimmed.

"I don't know how qualified I am to answer that question Court."

"Not true. I trust you, probably more than I should," she said, with a slight smile that just barely reached her eyes.

I took a deep breath, "I know that things can get tough, but I know you Courtney, you can get through it. Whatever it is. And I'm here for you... if you want to tell me what this is about."

"It's a lot of things," She replied, tucking some stray hairs behind her ear. "I haven't been getting much sleep, and I guess I'm stressed out. I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You do know you're incredibly talented, right? You don't need me to fluff your ego."

"No no, not with work, with life. I just feel like things aren't meshing, like dumb family stuff, and Wahlid." She looked down at her feet.

Finally, we had reached the actual root of her problem. I stayed quiet and waited for her to continue.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm putting in too much and not getting enough back. I feel like it's not worth it, and that scares me."

I wanted to tell her to leave him, to get herself out of that situation, that she deserved better, but something inside stopped me. I felt like my saying it had an ulterior motive. So instead I let her vent, I told her she was strong and capable and that she could get through anything. Fix anything. I told her what she needed to hear, not what I wanted to say. I was a good friend because that's what she really needed.

She nodded at my words. "Thanks, you're a good listener. I really needed this."

"No problem, I'm always here for you. You know that, right?"

"I do." She said.

"Good."

She insisted on sleeping on the couch, with a "Don't be stupid frog legs, it's 2018," so I insisted on making it up for her while she got ready for bed. Chivalry wasn't completely dead after all.

When I finished making up the couch, Courtney was still in the washroom brushing her teeth and I went to my bedroom to pull on my pajamas pants. When I was changed, I heard a small tap on my door and turned around to see Courtney leaning against the door post.

"Is it alright if we just hang out for a while longer?" She asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

I nodded, "Sure."

Smiling, Courtney came to sit on my bed. She rested her back against the pillows and patted the space next to her for me to join her. I tentatively sat back against the pillows as well, having her lying in my bed was a little more than I had been prepared to handle but I also wanted to be there for her.

Something was still nagging at me though, and I turned my body towards her before asking, "So just out of curiosity, not that I mind at all that you came to crash at my place, but I was wondering why you didn't go to..."

"Olivia's?" She asked, finishing my sentence, and I nodded.

"Well, I trust you Shayne. And I know that you're a good friend and that you would be there for me. You're a good advice giver you know?"

Her voice sounded sort of shy, and I felt slightly uncomfortable at the compliment. I felt my face grow a little warm as she continued speaking.

"Besides, with everything that just happened between Olivia and James, I didn't really want to dump any of my relationship stuff on her while she's going through something."

"But it's ok to dump it all on me?" I joked, and she hit my arm.

"You're dumb." She smiled up at my ceiling. It was the first genuine smile I had seen all night.

We ended up staying awake for a while after that and talked about everything, and nothing at all. She made me laugh at crazy stories from her childhood and I returned the favor with my ridiculous anecdotes. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was her face grinning at me across the pillows and I honestly never felt so relaxed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we're seeing the cracks in Courtney and Wahlid's relationship more clearly. You know what that means... we're almost there guys 😬


	20. Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Squad goes out to a bar the night before Shayne and Damien leave for Japan. A very tipsy Courtney confides in Shayne.

March 27th – April 9th 2018

My feelings were way harder to ignore recently, almost too much to be casual or subtle. After Courtney's confession to me a couple weeks ago about Wahlid, I felt different. I felt so incredibly close to her and it made me even more confused. I wanted to be there for my friend. She obviously was going through something. And at the same time, I wanted to confess to her how I felt. But that was selfish, incredibly selfish, so really all I could do was cheer her up in the only way I knew how, acting like a complete idiot and giving into her jokes. If she needed me to be myself and be there for her, then that's what I would do.

Sometime near the end of march, we were all hanging around in the office. I was throwing plastic forks up at the ceiling trying to get them to stick while Courtney chattered at me in the background, when Keith spoke up.

"Hey, we should all go out for drinks before you and Damien leave for Japan next week." he suggested.

"Oh I like this idea," agreed Olivia, "Sort of like a going away party."

"Uh, you guys do know that I'm only going for 10 days, right?"

"We know." Courtney smirked, "We can't celebrate your departure?"

I held my middle finger up at her making her laugh out loud.

"But seriously, I like this idea, we need a squad night out." Keith said, "This is happening."

"And I'll actually be able to drink." Noah added with a grin. He had turned 21 last month. Sometimes it was hard for me to remember how much younger than me he was.

"Ok fine, we'll go, I'll tell Dames"

"Yes!" Courtney cheered.

Which is how the squad, Damien, Boze, and I ended up at Oasis a week and a half later, the night before I was leaving for Tokyo. The seven of us grabbed a table and ordered drinks. Damien got a water and I ordered a beer. I didn't want to drink too much since I still had packing to do when I got back to my apartment.

"You're such a party pooper." Courtney teased as she and Boze threw back a shot each. "This is your going away party and you're not gonna try to get at least a tiny bit trashed?"

I grinned, "I'll leave that to you guys. I've got a flight in the morning."

Courtney rolled her eyes at me good naturedly and downed a second shot, making a face at the taste of it.

"Let's dance!"

She grabbed Boze's hand and my arm and pulled us onto the small dance floor in the middle of the tables. A Chainsmokers song was playing and she immediately started to jump around like a crazy person. I looked over at Boze and she nodded back at me grinning, we started dancing like idiots too.

I loved seeing Courtney like this, so free, not caring what anyone thought of her. Just being herself. This was my favorite version of Courtney. After a couple songs, and my horrible dancing, I left to go get some water and ended up getting caught up in a conversation with Noah and Damien.

"I can't believe we're going tomorrow man." Damien exclaimed. "It's absolutely crazy."

"Me neither," I replied. "Feels unreal."

We talked about the coming week for a bit, filling Noah in on our plans until I noticed Courtney out of the corner of my eye. She wasn't on the dance floor with Boze, Olivia, and Keith. Courtney was sitting at the table alone, and her face didn't look so care free anymore. I excused myself from Damien and Noah and I went to sit down next to her.

"Tired of dancing?"

She looked up at me, "Nah, just tired in general."

Her voice had the same quality to it that it had when she showed up at my apartment that night. Defeated.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked apprehensively, and it was like I gave her permission to open the flood gates.

"I just don't understand Wahlid. One day he'll be so perfect, and then the next it's like I'm not even there. We'll make plans and he'll cancel when something important comes up. And I get it that work takes up your time, I mean just look at our work week, but I just feel like I'm constantly playing second fiddle to whatever else he has going on."

I nodded, letting her continue her rant.

"I feel like he doesn't want me anymore, doesn't need me or love me anymore. I feel like I'm trying to hold on to this memory of us being so good together and he's just over it."

Her words were slightly rushed and her face was flushed as she spoke. Her honesty was definitely due to how much she had been drinking.

"I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, or I guess I don't want to lose what we used to have. Recently I feel like I've already lost part of him, you know?"

I nodded again, and waited a moment before saying, "You really need to talk to him about this Court."

"But, I don't want to make things any worse, I just want things to be ok."

I shook my head, "You speaking up about your feelings is not going to ruin things. You deserve the best and you need to be an adult and clear things up with Wahlid."

She opened her mouth to speak but I continued. "Court, you need to tell him that if he wants to be with you, he needs to step up, and make you a priority, because that's the only way your relationship is going to work. Ok?"

She nodded, and I felt a physical pain in my chest. I needed to help my friend. This is what I had to say, to do. But it was so incredibly hard for me to try to help her fix her relationship when all I really wanted was for it to fall apart. I would not let myself be that douche bag though who only takes care of his best interests. As much as it hurt me, I needed to put Courtney and her feelings first.

Around an hour later we wrapped up the evening. It was 12:00 and Damien and I really wanted to get some sleep before out flight tomorrow, and I still had packing to do. We said goodbye to everyone and they wished us safe travels.

From the bar, I drove to the drug store near my apartment to buy the last-minute things I needed for my trip. I walked through the fluorescently lit rows of products mindlessly throwing items into my basket. It was hard to concentrate on anything besides for the conversation I had with Courtney at the bar. As much as I wanted to be with Courtney, I also wanted her to be happy and if that was with Wahlid, I wanted them to work it out. But that didn't mean that I wasn't internally kicking myself for helping the other guy.

I paid for my stuff at the register and drove back to my apartment to finish packing. I had just closed my suit case and pulled out my Pajama pants for the night when I got a text from Courtney.

_"Can you come over?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a jerk for leaving it on a cliff hanger, I know.   
> But get ready guys, this next one is big.


	21. Nothing Good Happens After 2am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Shayne gets a late night text from Courtney, asking him to come over, he heads over to her apartment against his better judgement.

April 10th 2018

I pulled up in front of Courtney's apartment building and took a deep breath.

"This is a bad idea Shayne," The rational part of my brain said. What did Ted Moseby say again in that HIMYM episode? No good decisions happen after 2 AM? The digital clock on my dashboard read 2:01. Oh great.

I should really have just turned my car around, headed home and texted Courtney that I couldn't make it over. I was leaving to Japan with Damien in a few hours after all. Our flight was at noon and I probably needed to get some sort of sleep.

_I shouldn't be here._

But instead of doing the smart thing, I turned off the ignition and got out of my car. Every step up to Courtney's apartment felt loud, like my footsteps belonged to a giant, and my arm felt heavy as I picked it up to knock on her front door.

She answered immediately, and as I walked in and shut the door behind me, she began to pace back and forth in front of me. She ran both her hands through her short hair, flipping it to one side and then the other. I kicked off my boots and sat down on the arm of her couch, waiting for her to say something.

She finally stopped in front of me and said, "Thanks for coming."

"No problem... want to tell me what happened?" I asked cautiously.

She let out an exasperated breath and began pacing again.

"Well, I did what you said Shayne. I went over to Wahlid's to talk. I was mature, an adult, just like you said. I told him that he wasn't prioritizing me anymore, that I felt he was distant and that he didn't care. And you know what he said?" She stopped in front of me again, and I shook my head silently.

"He said we should take a minute apart to revaluate. What does that even mean?" She threw her arms up in the air. "Like if you don't want me anymore, just tell me!"

She dropped down onto the couch, sitting on her knees, hands knotted in her lap. Her voice was frustrated and it still had a slightly tipsy air about it, even though her last drink must have been over 2 hours ago.

"I'm really sorry Courtney," I told her, and I really meant it. My feelings aside, it hurt me that she was hurting so much. A tear clung to her eyelashes threatening to fall and I felt a pang in my chest. I slid off of the couch arm and onto the cushion beside her.

"Wahlid is an idiot if he thinks it's at all ok not to make you a priority."

Courtney let out a watery laugh, "Thanks Shayne, but obviously, there must be a reason that I'm not enough for him."

"No I'm serious," I said grabbing onto her shoulder intently and holding her gaze, "You, Courtney Ruth Miller, are the funniest, smartest, most beautiful, woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. So, if Wahlid doesn't realize that, then ya, he is fucking idiot."

Courtney stared at me for a moment, and the room felt like it was standing still, just us looking into each other's eyes. I saw something I didn't recognize in hers, and suddenly, her lips were on mine.

I froze for a second in shock but as Courtney pressed her lips more firmly against mine, I snapped out of it. And against my better judgment, against the voice in my head screaming at me to stop, I kissed her back.

I moved my hand off of her shoulder and into her hair, grabbing onto it as our kiss became more frantic. Courtney ran her hands down my torso and then back up to either side of my face. I felt her tongue against my lips, seeking entrance, and I parted them immediately deepening the kiss.

She pushed me backwards, the arm of the couch digging uncomfortably into my back but I hardly noticed. Courtney was practically straddling my lap and the hand that I didn't have wrapped in her hair, I had at her waist. My fingers brushed the skin underneath the edge of her T-shirt and my heart felt like it was going to explode.

But my brain was catching up with me. I knew we had to stop, this wasn't right. She wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't thinking clearly.

"Courtney, I-" I breathed out, but she continued to kiss me fervently. I forced myself to try again.

"Wait Courtney, stop."

Courtney yanked herself off of me, and brought a shaky hand up to her lips.

"Oh god, what did I just do," She said, seemingly shocked at her own actions. She stood up quickly from the couch putting as much distance as she could between us. She brought her hands up to either side of her head, clearly freaking out about what had just happened.

"I'm so so sorry Shayne."

Still slightly out of breath I stood up too, "Courtney wait, let's talk about this." I moved towards her but she took a step back and I stopped immediately.

"It's ok," I said, calmly, "Look at me Court, its ok."

But she shook her head and closed her eyes as if in pain.

"Shayne, I think you should probably go."

"But Court-"

"Just go, Shayne." She interrupted me, before adding in a softer voice, "Please."

I hesitated and then nodded, giving in. I quickly pulled on my boots and walked back around the couch towards the door. I spared her one last look before opening the door to her apartment and walking out into the hallway.

Ted was right. Nothing good ever happened after 2 AM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, how are we all doing?
> 
> I wanted to thank you all for sticking with me through this story so far. I appreciate every single one of your Kudos, and comments!
> 
> When I started writing this story, I always planned on having a big turning point happen right before Shayne's trip to Japan. So, I guess you could say that this story has been leading up to this moment. It's been a Lonnnnnnnng ride, but here we are. Things are about to shift in a big way. Hold on to your hats my friends.
> 
> Love, Kaitlyn


	22. Japan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an incredibly unexpected and confusing night, Shayne heads to japan with Damien, but he can't get what happened between him and Courtney out of his mind. Damien notices that something is up and decides to give his friend some advice.

April 10th – 11th, 2018

I was still feeling out of it as our Uber pulled up in front of LAX just a few hours later. Damien and I scrambled out of the car, grabbing our suitcases and dashing towards departures. We were running late (Damien had forgotten his passport), and we rushed through check in, quickly heading over to the long international security line. Luckily, it moved pretty quickly and in no time at all, we had reached our gate.

I couldn't help but be overtaken by Damien's contagious excitement. I mean, we were going to Japan after all. Somewhere I always dreamed about visiting and I was able to go there with my best friend. But even though I was trying to remain excited, my head was still spinning from the events of last night. Had I done the right thing leaving like that? Should I have stayed to talk about it? It was probably stupid of me to have kissed her. She hadn't officially ended her relationship, she was confused.

And what did it even mean that she had kissed me. Was it just because I was there, or was it more than that? Was it possible that she has feelings for me too? It hurt my chest how much I wished that to be true, but I didn't want to let myself believe that. If it wasn't true, it would just hurt more.

All I knew was that I didn't regret kissing her back.

"Shayne... Shayne!"

I was jerked out of my thoughts by Damien's voice.

"They're boarding our zone, man."

"Oh, right, ok." I said, and I followed him to the back of the line.

I showed my ticket to the gate agent and made my way down the bridge and onto the plane. Damien and I were seated towards the back, in aisle and window seats respectively. By some twist of fate the person sitting between us didn't show up and I was eternally grateful as I spread out and tried to get some sleep during the long flight.

After landing, it was a whirl wind. We quickly made our way out of the airport and to our hotel. Our room wasn't ready so we left our bags at the front desk and jumped straight into a bit of touring. The non-stop pace was good for me. We were moving so fast and trying to take in so much that I didn't have time to dwell on the events of the previous night. I lost myself in the excitement of exploring the new city. I tried to remain as in it as possible, I didn't want to think about Courtney.

I guess I didn't do as good of a job as I thought though.

Damien and I were finally back at the hotel after having grabbed a late dinner and were settling into our room. I had just finished shoving my clothes into the weirdly shaped dresser in the corner of the room when he turned to me.

"Shayne," he asked a little hesitantly as I sat down on my bed, "Are you ok? You've looked a little off all day."

I shrugged, "Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired," I replied will a slight smile, hoping that he would buy my lie. Predictably, he did not.

"So I know this isn't just jet lag. What happened to you between leaving the bar last night and our flight?"

I looked away from Damien towards the hotel window, hoping he would just let it go. But of course, he didn't.

"Come on Shayne. What happened?"

"Nothing. Ok?" I ground out, keeping my eyes fixed on the horizon.

I knew that if I looked over at Damien, I would break, and tell him everything. He seemed to know it too, because he walked around the bed and in front of the window, blocking my view.

"Alright, enough of that. Speak."

"Fine," I sighed, pausing before saying shortly, "Courtney and I kissed."

"Um what??" Damien's eyes grew wide. "When, how, why?"

"Well after we left the bar, I went home to pack and she texted me around 2, asking me to come over."

"Oh god Shayne," Damien shook his head at me.

"I know. I knew it was a bad idea but I went anyways, obviously, I wanted to make sure she was ok. And when I got there, she told me how her and Wahlid fought about how he wasn't spending enough time with her anymore and how she felt like he didn't care. And she told me that he wanted to take a break to think about things."

"Please don't tell me that you kissed her because they were on a break," Damien groaned.

"Fuck, no," I replied quickly. "I told her that he was an idiot for not appreciating her, and that she deserved so much better than that, and she... all of a sudden she was kissing me." I ran my hands through my hair. Reliving the memory was making me anxious and confused all over again.

"And what did you do?" Damien asked.

"Well I kissed her back, but then I stopped myself and she freaked out. She was confused and upset and she kept apologizing like she had taken advantage of me." I took a deep breath.

"Damien, I don't know what to do."

Damien was silent for a moment before folding his arms and leaning back against the window sill.

"You have gotten yourself into quite the mess there Shayne."

"Tell me about it," I nodded.

"I'm not sure how much you can do. I think this might be one of these things, no matter how hard it is, that you just have to wait out."

"But-" I tried to protest but Damien held up his hand.

"I know that you care about her, but honestly, this is a frigging tangled mess of emotions right now, and I know that you don't want to be a cheater."

My face went red. Of course, it had occurred to me that I had sort of enabled Courtney to cheat on Wahlid by kissing her back. My brain was rationalizing that it didn't really count because they were 'taking a moment to evaluate' whatever that meant.

I voiced my reasoning to Damien but he shook his head at me.

"That's a loophole and you know it man." He pushed himself off from the window sill and sat down next to me on the bed.

"Look, I care about you and Courtney, and I want you both to be happy. If that's with each other, then great. But," He put a hand on my shoulder, "I think the best course of action for you sir, is to give her the space to work out what she's feeling, to work out this stuff with Wahlid, and then you can go from there."

I sighed, knowing he was right, but that didn't mean that I stopped wanting to call Courtney and see what was going on. The 5000 miles between us felt like an ever-growing distance.

"I just want to fix things."

"I know man, and you will. It will just take time. I know it will be hard, but try to put it out of your mind until we get back to LA. Let's try to enjoy this incredible country, shall we?" He shot me a half smile and I couldn't help smile back at him.

"You're right," I agreed. "Let's make this the best God damn trip ever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this chapter is Shayne trying to figure out what to do about what happened between him and Courtney. Shiz is really going to hit the fan next chapter when they talk in person but I feel like Damien would be a good advice giver and would want to help Shayne through it even though Shayne probably wouldn't ask for help. I love writing Damien, he's just the best.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think, I love reading your comments!
> 
> Love y'all!
> 
> \- Kat


	23. Not Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Shayne returns from Japan, he is anxious to see Courtney again. Their conversation at the office does not go as planned.

April 24th, 2018

I was still a little bit jetlagged as I walked through the large glass doors of the Smosh office building. Japan was absolutely amazing. Walking through its busy streets for the last time, I desperately did not want to leave. However, life wasn't that easy. As much as I wished to stay, I had a job to get back to, and two days later, there I was.

As I walked towards my office, I said hello to a few of my co-workers who offered me welcome backs and asked about my trip. I smiled, and laughed and told them it was great, but I made it short. I just wanted to get to the squad room. When I got to the door way, they were all in there, sitting around Olivia's desk. She looked up and saw me first.

"Shayne!"

Olivia got up from her desk and made her way towards me, pulling me into a quick hug.

"I actually missed you!"

"Gee, thanks Olivia" I chuckled, hugging her back.

Over her head I saw Noah, Keith, and Courtney heading towards me as well. They had large smiles filling their faces, and when they to close, Keith patted me on the back.

"Welcome back Shanye, it's been quieter without you."

"Good to have you back man." Noah added with a grin.

As Olivia pulled away, I could properly see Courtney standing behind her. She looked happy to see me, if not a little flushed, and gave me a quick hug as well. I hugged her back a little stiffly. I could feel a bit of tension in the air and I pulled back from her quickly and smiled at my friends.

"Glad to be back," I replied.

"So how was Japan?"

"It was amazing." I said, "Honestly the coolest place I've ever visited."

"I'm actually so jealous that you went." Keith groaned. "You'll have to fill us in on everything you did when we come back from filming."

"Oh," I said, a little startled as Noah, Keith, and Olivia started shuffling towards the doorway. "What are you guys filming?"

"Keith, Noah, and I are helping out with a Game Bang. We'll probably be back in an hour ish." Olivia said. My brain started spinning as I realized that that meant Courtney and I would be left alone in the room. As much as I had wanted to speak with her privately for the past week, I hadn't been expecting to have the opportunity so quickly.

"Oh, ok," I said nervously, shooting a look towards Courtney who was conveniently looking away from me. I wondered if it was on purpose.

"See you guys later," Keith called to us over his shoulder.

The others followed him out of the room, closing the door behind them and leaving me and Courtney alone. I let the silence hang in the air for a moment before asking.

"So are you still with him?" After a week of radio silence, I didn't really have it in me to be subtle.

She looked down at her feet, "Ya, we talked and we're going to give it another go."

My heart sunk in my chest and I answered her response with silence. I should have expected as much. I mean why else would she have not contacted me the whole time I was away in Japan.

"I'm sorry Shayne, for kissing you, I just made things more complicated."

Her voice came out nervous and breathy and I sighed, but she continued.

"It's my fault, I was being emotional about mine and Wahlid's problems, I shouldn't have dragged you into it. It was unfair of me. I'm sorry, let's just forget about it happening."

I looked at her face, she was giving me a sort of guilty half smile. I could tell she expected me to agree with her, or make a joke about the situation, and everything would go back to normal. Just Courtney and Shayne, uncomplicated and consistent.

But I couldn't do that.

"But see, that's not fair," I said steadily. "Because you must know how I feel about you."

She just stared at me blankly, and my frustration with the situation rose, leaking into my voice.

"I like you Courtney Miller. Maybe more than like you. This is killing me, not being with you! I know there are so many reasons why we shouldn't, Wahlid being a huge one. But then you _kissed_ me, and now you're acting like it was just on you?! You think you can make this better by just apologizing and pretending it didn't happen? Well, news flash Court, I can't make these feelings just go away."

She looked incredibly flustered and a bit frustrated and she stuttered through her words as she asked me;

"How can you- How are you just telling me this now!?"

She looked so startled and torn at what I had said, as if she never expected me to say it out loud. She must have expected this conversation to go differently, for me to have made it easier on her. Her wide, green eyes held mine earnestly, as if they were searching for something, and I stared back at her for a moment before striding forward and crashing my lips against hers.

I don't know what I was thinking. It was as if my brain shut off and I all I knew was that I had to show her how I was feeling. It was all too much; the emotions I felt flooding through my veins. It was as if a metaphorical pot was finally boiling over and there was nothing I could do to stop myself from making the move.

I felt her kiss me back for a second before she pulled away roughly, her eyes wide. She backed away from me unsteadily.

"Shayne, Shayne I can't."

I sighed, "Right, of course you can't."

She bit her lip, looking like she may cry and I felt terrible. That look on her face was my fault. But before I could say anything else, she was whispering "I'm so sorry," as she quickly turned around and left the room.

And I was left standing in the squad office alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was an EMOTIONAL one guys. Some chapters are harder to write, but this one just fell onto the page. These few chapters were what I've been building up to since the beginning of the story and as much as it pained me to write them, (I actually got chills writing this one) I'm also happy with the way they turned out. I just had to throw in a little adversity for Shayne and Courtney before they get their happily ever after, but I promise they will get there... eventually lol


	24. With Any Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shayne and Courtney finally start to settle back into their comfortable friendship after the events of the night before Japan, but Shayne is still determined to become something more.

April 30th, 2018

Since our talk last week, Courtney and I had gone out of our way to be polite to each other. A bit too polite for my taste, if I was being honest. I was trying to listen to Olivia's advice and let Courtney figure things out for herself, but I still wanted her to know that I was there, and that I wasn't going anywhere. Neither were my feelings. However, this morning, I was dealing with Olivia's.

"Only you two would bump into each other in a grocery store and then actually spend the rest of the day together." I said shaking my head in disbelief at at the brunette who had somehow managed to perch herself on the very corner of my desk. she was fiddling with her hair absentmindedly and grinning at me. It was no wonder, since we were currently discussing her new favourite topic of conversation, my friend Sam.

"What? That's not how _you_ meet new girls?" She asked me, but realizing what she said, her eyes quickly shot over to Courtney who was working at her desk across the room.

I ignored the potential awkwardness of the question and replied, "Nope, it's just you weirdos." She rolled her eyes, taking my familiar jibe in stride. it was one of the things I liked most about mine and Olivia's friendship. We gave each other crap, well I did more than she, but it was always in good fun. I could never quite figure the girl out, but that was one of the best things about Olivia. 

"So does Sam like, talk to you about me?" She asked seriously, leaning over my desk.

"Um, yeah. Pretty much non-stop." I deadpanned.

"So what's he been saying?" She pressed, with a silly grin on her face. Courtney snorted with laughter from the other side of the room as I learned back in my chair to put some distance between me and the crazy girl who was now fully sitting on top of my desk.

"Oh no, I may be the actual angel who's responsible for you dating Sam Lerner, but I'm definitely not going to act as your go between."

"But Shayneeeee," Olivia whined.

I breathed in and widened my eyes dramatically, staring just past her head. Noah laughed at our antics.

"Uhhhh, you guys are ridiculous." He grinned.

Olivia crossed her arms over her chest sighed, hanging her head. "Fine, be that way."

"Oh god, I've gone and offended you, and we were doing so well." I laughed. She just huffed at me, arms still crossed over her chest.

Backtracking a bit, I said. "Well I'm glad that you guys are getting along so well. I told you that you would."

"You also told me that we weren't allowed to be friends." She grumbled.

"Well, yeah. I mean you guys were in relationships, and I knew you couldn't be 'just friends' it would be impossible." I felt my skin prickly slightly as the topic of conversation started veering way too close to my current predicament for comfort. I stubbornly kept my eyes far away from the blond girl sitting to my left.

"Well fine, you were right, do you want a- like a gold star or something?" Olivia stuttered.

I grinned at her, "Yeah, that'd be great actually."

Without a word, she walked over to the couch, picked up a pillow, and chucked it at me. Laughing, I ducked to dodge it and it sailed past me, hitting Courtney's arm.

"Jeez Olivia." She laughed, picking the pillow up off the floor.

It was as if I could see her internal struggle while holding the pillow in her hand. She looked down at it hesitantly, before a grin came to her lips and she whipped it back over at me. The pillow hit my side and I dramatically fell out of my chair and onto the ground. Courtney burst out in laughter.

"You are soooo dumb Shayne."

I lay in that position for a moment longer to drag out the joke and then moved to sit back up. As I was pulling myself back into my chair, Ryan came in to tell us that they were all ready to start shooting. Today we were using the office to shoot our sketch, Apps we wish were real.

It was a bit more of a relaxed day because we were shooting the sketch in the office instead of in the studio. But it did mean that we had to kick a lot of people out so that it would be quiet for the time that we were shooting.

For some reason, Courtney and I weren't in any scenes together in this script, but there were a couple scenes that we were both not in. So, while Ian, Keith, and Noah were shooting a bit about an app that fills you in on pop culture references, Olivia, Courtney and I had a few minutes to hang around before our scenes began.

We stood behind the camera crew silently watching our friends play their rolls. After a take or two I was getting a bit antsy standing there silently, and before they called action on the next take, I poked Courtney and Olivia in the sides and motioned towards the door. Olivia was in the next scene and decided to stay but Courtney nodded back at me and we headed out into the hall.

"I'm glad to be out of there, to be honest," Courtney whispered as she followed me down the hallway, "I was just feeling a little restless."

"Same," I agreed.

Because the office had to be quiet so that the audio for the video was clear, we ended up sitting in one of the empty private offices down the hall. There were a couple beanbags on the ground and we immediately fell into them. I could tell that Courtney was feeling a little nervous about being alone with me. Hell, so was I, but I didn't want to let her be.

Looking for something to do, I found a ball next to me and I picked it up, nudging Courtney with my foot to ask her if she wanted to play. She grinned and I tossed the ball her way. She caught it easily and threw it back to me. We got into a nice rhythm, tossing the ball back and forth between us.

"So, any plans for the weekend?" I asked, catching a particularly high throw.

"Yeah, actually, I'm going to the beach with Kari and my brothers," She answered.

I breathed a sigh of internal relief that she didn't say she had plans with Wahlid, before the little voice in my brain said that she probably did but she just had enough sense not to tell me. I tried not to let it show on my face though as I nodded and threw the ball back to her.

"Sounds like fun."

"Yeah, it should be," She smiled, tossing the ball back, "Do you have anything planned?"

"Me and Damien are going to go see Infinity war." I replied,

"Oh my god Shayne, it was-" she began but I quickly started talking over her.

"I know you saw it yesterday! No spoilers, Ok? I've worked so hard to avoid them so far!"

She opened her mouth to speak and my hands automatically moved up to block my ears, "I swear to god Courtney if you tell me anything I will literally kill you!"

"Ok scaredy-cat," She said grinning, "I was just going to tell you that Captain America betrays the Avengers and becomes Thanos's love interest,"

"Courtney!" I yelled, throwing the ball at her to get her to shut up, before my brain processed that she was making fun of me.

She threw her head back in laughter, as I glared at her exasperatedly.

"You are a psycho, Courtney. An actually psycho." I said as she continued to belly laugh.

"Oh my god, you should have seen your face!" She said wiping the tears from her eyes and gulping in a breath. her face was still flushed from laughter and even though it was at my expense, I felt a small bit of pride for causing it. I grinned at her, shaking my head at her in wonderment and she smiled back. We fell into silence for a moment before Courtney cleared her throat.

"I'm glad that things are good between us Shayne," She said.

"Me too."

Shifting in the beanbag and tucking her hair somewhat shyly behind her ear, she added, "I don't know what I would do if I lost you. Really."

Before I could reply, the door to the office opened and Olivia poked her head into the room, "Hey, I was looking for you guys," She said, "It's time for your scene Court,"

"Oh right, coming" Courtney said in a slightly startled voice. I shot her a small smile and we pulled ourselves up and shuffled after Olivia towards the set.

The events of the past couple weeks were not forgotten. I definitely wasn't going to let them be, but we had reached a level of normalcy. We were acting like ourselves with each other. We weren't where I wanted to be yet, but with any luck, I thought we had a good chance.


	25. But It Doesn't Change Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regretful and confused from his conversation with Courtney the day before, Shayne gets some much needed advice from Olivia.

April 25th, 2018

I was the first one in the office the next day and my body was wracked with nerves at the thought of seeing Courtney again. To say we left on bad terms would be an understatement. Why did I think it was a good idea to kiss her again? Well, I guess I wasn't really thinking, was I?

I heard someone enter the room and I jerked my head up quickly to see Olivia walk through the door. I was filled with both relief and disappointment that it wasn't Courtney who walked in and I mumbled a good morning to her, looking back down at my laptop that was open in front of me.

I could feel eyes on me, and I raised my head again to see that Oliva had stopped in front of my desk. She had her arms folded across her chest and an aggravated look on her face.

"What the hell is wrong with you Shayne?"

"So you talked to Courtney, huh?"

"Yeah. She told me everything. What on earth were you thinking?"

I groaned, leaning back in my chair. I didn't really want to be lectured by Olivia Sui, and to be honest I wasn't too happy that she knew about what happened. I don't know why I didn't expect that Courtney would tell her.

"I don't know," I responded, "I guess I wasn't thinking at all. I was mad."

She huffed at me, arms crossed. "Well you are really dumb Shayne. She's already torn as it is. She really didn't need this added confusion."

I hung my head, feeling guilty. I knew that it was a bit hypocritical of me to blame Courtney for the unfairness of the situation, just for me to then then act unfairly to her. But suddenly a light ticked on in my brain.

"Wait," I asked Olivia, "What do you mean she's torn?"

Olivia turned red and quickly stammered, "Uh, nothing."

"Come on Olivia." I pressed. I needed to know what she meant. My heart was beating loudly in my ears as Olivia sighed.

"I mean that she has feelings for you too Shayne. She has for a while. But it doesn't change anything. She's still with Wahlid and it's still incredibly uncool for you to have kissed her and made her even more confused."

"She kissed me first!" I shot back. I knew I was being childish but my brain was still whirring with this new information.

Courtney liked me too.

It should have made me happy, but Olivia was right. It didn't change much. I dropped my head defeated, resting my chin on my hands.

"What do I do Liv?"

Olivia frowned at me sympathetically. "I don't know Shayne. I want to help you, but I honestly don't know."

"That's what Damien said too. What good are you guys."

"Hey!" She said defensively, "I give plenty of good advice."

"Oh yeah? When?"

"I, uh, Oh! That time I told you not to go to that sushi place that gave me indigestion."

"Olivia, food poisoning warnings do not count as good advice." I rolled my eyes, "And they definitely don't help me in this situation. I'm in love with my best friend and she's still with another guy, who doesn't appreciate how good he has it by the way."

Olivia started to interrupt me but I spoke over her, "I know he's your friend too, but he's not right for her. He just keeps jerking her around, with this on again, off again thing. It's not fair to her. He's not thinking about how this must be for her and he doesn't love her like I do."

I stopped talking and looked back at Olivia. She was staring at me, open mouthed.

"What?"

"Shayne," She said dumbfounded, "Wait. You're actually in love with her?"

"I, I guess I am." I stuttered.

I had never said it before. I spent so much time trying to deny and suppress my feelings for Courtney, it suddenly hit me how much I really felt for her. What had started out as what I thought was a manageable crush on my friend had exploded into an all-encompassing love. A cosmic-like pull that drew me to her. It was more than just 'feelings' as I had been saying over and over. I was down right in LOVE with Courtney Miller.

"Oh god, this is worse than I thought." Olivia said sympathetically, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I coughed, clearing my throat and looking away from her, somewhat embarrassed under her gaze.

"Ya, it is."

She sighed. "Ok. You want my advice? Here it is. Courtney is smart. She knows what the situation is and she'll sort out her feelings. She cares about Wahlid and she wants to see this through and you have to let her."

I groaned, shaking my head. Her advice was the same as Damien's and I was about to argue with her when she added;

"But Shayne, I might be a bad person for saying this, but don't let her forget that you are an option."

I looked up at her surprised and saw that her lips were quirked into a slight smile. I nodded at her quickly and her smile turned into a full grin as she patted my shoulder and then walked over to her desk to sit down.

I was left to mull over her words, thinking up a plan of action. Noah soon entered the room and now we were just waiting on Keith (obviously), and the girl I really wanted to see, Courtney. I got my wish about ten minutes later when she shuffled into the office. She said good morning to all of us in a cheery voice, but she avoided my gaze as she sat down at her desk and pulled her computer out of her backpack.

Sunny stuck his head into the room and told us that we should head down to the set for 'The Show with No Name' in 15.

Olivia sprang to her feet saying, 'Wait, Noah and I will come with you right now."

"What?" Noah looked up startled from cleaning his glasses. Olivia quickly strode over to him, pulled him up, and started to push him towards the door. She shot me a meaningful look and indicated towards Courtney with a tilt of the head.

'Fix this," her eyes said to me, and I gave her a very slight nod as she stepped out of the room with a still confused Noah in tow.

I looked over at Courtney. Her eyes were still fixed to her laptop screen. Summoning up the courage, I scooted my chair away from my desk and closer towards her. When she still didn't look up I cleared my throat awkwardly.

That got her attention. She met my eyes hesitantly, and I could see the hurt behind her green irises. As steadily as I could I began to speak.

"I wanted to talk about yesterday."

Courtney bit her lip and nodded. She had turned her chair towards me but had her arms crossed over her chest. It was a defensive stance, and I didn't blame her after how our last conversation went.

"I think that we put ourselves in an unfair situation on both sides. Maybe you shouldn't have kissed me, and I shouldn't have kissed you, but we also can't pretend it didn't happen."

Courtney sighed, "You're right. But Shayne, I really am still with Wahlid."

I shot her a wry smile before looking down at my feet.

"I know."

"So where does that leave us?" She asked, and then added more hesitantly, "Do you hate me now?"

"What? No, never. I could never hate you Courtney Miller." I replied automatically. I reached out my hand to pat her knee reassuringly, but I thought better of it and quickly retracted it.

"So... friends?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes," I said and Courtney smiled, "And no." I added, and her smile faltered slightly.

"I will always be your friend, because I care about you. And ya, I'll act like myself in the office with you, and I'll be here for whatever you need. Maybe it'll feel just like it did before all this happened." I cleared my throat before continuing.

"But, like I said yesterday, I can't turn these feelings off. They aren't going anywhere. So, I respect that you are trying to work through your relationship with Wahlid, but forgive me if I don't root for it to work out. And when it ends, I'll be here. I'll be here for you."

This time I did pat her on the knee before swiftly standing up and heading towards the studio for the shoot, leaving Courtney to stare after me, dumbfounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where Shayne finally grew a pair :p


	26. Carnival Hearts

May 10th, 2018

"We're at a Carnival!" We yelled at the camera.

We were at an LA carnival filming a squad vlog for the smoshpit. I loved doing field trip videos. It was the first one we had done in a while, and it was a great way to get out of the office and just have a good time with my friends. Damien had come with us and Olivia invited Sam along too. It was a chance to just be silly and do crazy stuff together, and it made a good video for the fans when they could see us really having fun.

We started off the day walking through the park, checking out all the rides and commenting on them before deciding to hit the funhouse first stumbling through the shifting floor panels. Gripping the rail with one hand and the vlog camera in my other, I pointed it at Courtney who was in the midst of tripping behind me.

"You're drunk, you're so drunk," I slurred, doing my best trashed white girl impression.

"No you're drunk," She slurred right back, lunging for the camera which I pulled away from her quickly with a burst of laughter. Courtney hastily regained her balance, and hit my arm, making me laugh more.

"Common, keep it moving dude," she grinned pushing me forward through the funhouse.

The attraction was of course filled with trippy mirrors and Damien, Noah, Courtney, and I all cracked each other up, making funny expressions in the warped glass. "AH, sweet air!" Damien exclaimed when we had all finally made it back outside through the rotating exit.

We collectively decided that we couldn't push off eating the carnival food any longer and headed back towards the rest of the crew who were all at the food area. The walk wasn't too long but that didn't stop u from complaining about it. We finally got the food area and I looked around for something to do as we waited for the rest of our friends to join us.

"You should go hoedown right there," Courtney said nudging me and pointing at the large square dancing space about 50 feet ahead of us.

"If you do it, I'll give you 20 bucks" I grinned.

"If I hoedown right now?"

"If you do the hoedown right now."

She smirked at me and backed away pointing towards me as she did with a, you-just-watch expression on her face. She did a hoedown-like dance in the middle of the empty square, and bounced back over to us with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"Nailed it," She sang, "Now hand it over pretty boy." She said to me, hand stretched out expectantly for the money.

"Will you take an IOU?" I joked, motioning to my empty pockets. Because we were filming, I had left my wallet in the car.

"Fine, but I'm holding you to it," She said.

We finally met up with the rest of the crew, Keith, Olivia, and Sam, and proceeded to eat entirely too much food. Olivia immediately zeroed in on the churro stand and got a couple to feed her unhealthy addiction. I stole one from her as she was about to eat and took a bite. Her face was priceless and I gave it back to her quickly, churros weren't really my thing but I had to do it for the joke. She got me back soon after by stealing my funnel cake.

"Eat it all, you better commit" I called after her as she shielded my stolen funnel cake with her body.

"Oh, I will commit" She replied determinedly, but after a couple minutes she ended up bringing it back to the table. She, Courtney and I shared it, and it was a good thing too, because having only eaten 1/3rd of the desert, I was feeling very stuffed and couldn't bring myself to eat anything else. Courtney, Damien, and I decided to leave the food area to go on some rides.

"Woah, I definitely should not have eaten that much of your funnel cake," Courtney gulped, letting out a loud burp.

"Oh god, don't throw up on me," I said, jumping away from her as though she was diseased. She rolled her eyes and hit my arm.

"You're such a baby Shayne," She grinned as I laughed, and Damien shook his head at our antics. After a small pause, Courtney added, "I've actually never thrown up from a ride."

"Never??" I asked, a little shocked, I had definitely barfed on a rollercoaster as a teenager after eating too much.

"Nope, never."

"Well," I said grinning smugly, "that is about to change Court," I turned on the vlog camera and held it up in front of us before speaking.

"So Courtney says she's never thrown up in a ride, or thrown up from a ride, so today's the day. We're riding this." I said into the camera, pointing towards the zipper.

"It's very... it's a lot. You know what it might happen." Courtney agreed, with a slight grimace. As we got closer to the ride, I heard her blurt out, "Oh god."

"I'm uh, gonna sit this one out guys," Damien said, patting his stomach, "It's all yours Shayne."

Grinning, I gave him a quick pat on the back and pulled Courtney into line with me. The line moved quickly and before we knew it, I was shuffling after Courtney into the small cart.

"Alright," I said, adjusting myself on the bench and pulling the seat buckle down over the two of us.

"So this is our air bnb" Courtney joked as the door swung shut with a clang. The cart was quite small and the lack of space caused our arms to be pressed up against each other, but I wasn't really complaining.

"This nice," I teased.

"This is tight, this is very tight" She exclaimed, holding the camera out awkwardly in front of us with the arm that wasn't trapped against my own. Looking down at her phone that was peeking out of her pocket, she twisted her body to tuck it further into her pants.

"Make sure your phone is in a good spot, because I definitely-"

"Don't worry, it's up my ass," I replied, interrupting her.

"Ppfff" she snorted and the ride began to move. Soon the cart was filled with the sounds of us screaming. We flipped upside-down and when the cart righted itself I feigned dead and Courtney lightly patted the side of my face.

"No no no no no. Shayne, Shayne, Shayne." She then paused and drew her hand back before saying blankly, "Well, I'm on my own."

I laughed and snapped out of it, grinning at her. The ride started to pick up and suddenly me and Courtney were being flipped around at random. We laughed and screamed at the top of our lungs and I felt genuinely happy, looking over at the girl beside me.

I knew things weren't necessarily all the way right with her and Wahlid and she was just trying to put in the effort with him to give it a real shot. I got it, they had history, but we did too. I was in a weird position because even though I wasn't where I wanted to be in regards to a relationship with Courtney, I sort of got to be the fun one.

I know. That sounds really jerky, but it's true. I knew she was stressed about seeing things through with Wahlid and it gave me the opportunity to just act stupid and crazy. To joke and laugh with her. To have a really great time together. And then, by comparison, why would she chose him? I know. Mean of me. But oh, so true.

I did the famous Shayne scream for the camera and it soon tuned into genuine laughing and when the ride stopped Courtney and I fell out of our cart laughing and supporting each other's dizzy bodies.

Damien met us at the entrance and grabbed onto my already unsteady body spinning me in a circle, "Welcome back!" he joked, grinning.

Laughing, I pulled away and replied, "Hey! Wasn't the point of this to get _Courtney_ to throw up?"

Without missing a beat, Damien said, "Yup, you're right," and moved to spin Courtney who quickly leaped out of the way, giggling and hid behind my back for protection.

"Shayne! Help!" She shrieked, gripping onto the back of my shirt, and I held my arms out protectively, a laugh still shaking in my chest.

"Ok, Ok, I give up," smiled Damien, holding his hand up in defeat. "Where should we go next?"

We decided on doing a slide race, because it was something we could all do together. We climbed up the top and got into position. The guy in charge of the side, called, "On your mark! Get set! GO!" and we were off, careening down the multi-coloured slide as fast as we could go.

Courtney held her hands out as we went down, pushing me back to get ahead of me. I definitely wasn't upset about being last, but a small voice in my head was starting to worry about how chummy we were being. I really was just happy to spend time with her, but I didn't want to revert back into our old routine with no hope of getting out of the friend zone. Although logically I knew that she was aware of how I was feeling, she was feeling the same way after all, I felt a small panic in my chest when we reached the bottom of the slide and I knew this was a point in time where I had to act on Olivia's advice.

I got to my feet first and offered a hand to Courtney to pull her up. She immediately grabbed on to mine and let me help her stand. But instead of letting go, I help on a little longer than necessary and brushed the pad of my thumb softly against the back of her hand. She looked down at our clasped hands and then back up at my face. She had a blush on her cheeks but a small smile on her lips and I smiled back, giving her hand quick squeeze before letting it go.

"Shayne! Dames! Courtney!"

We all turned to see that Noah, Keith, Olivia, and Sam were making their way towards us. We started walking back towards the rest of our group. Courtney was slightly ahead of us and Damien raised his eyebrows at me.

"What?" I hissed at him. I knew he must have seen Courtney and I's exchange.

"I didn't say anything," Damien shrugged and looked away from me with a smug look on his face.

When we reached the group, they told us they were heading towards the Ferris wheel, a Keith approved ride, and we said we'd join them. Keith, Noah, Damien, and Courtney got on the first cart and when the next one came, I clambered onto the Ferris wheel after Olivia and Sam and pulled the door closed behind us. As soon as we got on, the ride immediately started to move and we were slowly lifted up into the air.   
  


"Eee so cute!" Olivia squealed shifting her phone back between Sam and I. I made a funny face at her and she laughed as she stopped filming and posted the video to her story.

Sam turned towards me grinning, "So you and Courtney huh?"

I shot Olivia a look of betrayal, "You told him??"

"What can I say," she grinned, throwing an arm over Sam's shoulder. "We don't keep secrets."

"That's love, bitch" Sam agreed, pulling Olivia closer to him as she nodded in agreement.

"Gross." I joked. I wasn't really annoyed that Olivia told Sam, but I just wanted to give them a hard time.   
  


"So, nu?" Sam pressed.   
  


"What are you now? An 80-year-old Jewish Bubby?" I asked him.  
  


"Don't avoid the subject," Sam said still grinning. "What's the deal with you and Court now?"  
  


I sighed, leaning back in my seat and shrugged, "Nothing really, it's sort of like we're getting back to normal, but we both know the situation now, so I don't know if it's really better or worse... I guess I'm just glad that it isn't awkward."

"Well I can attest that you guys definitely didn't look awkward today." Said Sam.   
  


"Yeah," agreed Olivia, "honestly I feel like you guys look even more comfortable with each other than before all the... kissing happened," Olivia smirked.

"Olivia," I huffed exasperated, as Sam laughed.

She just shrugged her shoulders, a small grill pulling at the corners of her mouth, "Well it's true..."

I shoved her good naturally and changed the subject to our weekend plans. I was still thinking about what Liv has said though. She was sort of right. I feel like me and Courtney had reached a new level of comfort with each other. We always had this understanding and connection but it felt much deeper now. Maybe it was because we always had this underlying chemistry and tension and everything was out in the open now. Now that it was, I just had to hold on to the hope that it would be us at the end of this. And if I had anything to say about it, we definitely would be. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry I disappeared for a little while again! Some personal news; I actually got engaged last week! Stuff has been pretty insane but I'll still be back here posting so don't worry I'm not going anywhere!
> 
> I had such deja vu to my Disneyland chapter when I wrote this one. Ugh I love the carnival video so much. SO much Shourtney content lol. It's interesting to see how although it has the same feel as the Disneyland chapter, it's different now that they both know where each other stand. The chapter name is a reference to Carnival Hearts by Kayla Diamond, a singer who I know from Toronto. It's a good song, check it out!


	27. The Classroom

May 18th, 2018

You could say that it was just a regular morning at the smoffice, but then the world must have been knocked slightly off its axis, because for some reason, Keith was on time and Courtney was running very, very, late.

We were already all heading down to set, costumed, and mostly makeuped. We were shooting a high school video today, 2008 VS 2018, and the set was decorated to look like a class room. Of course, Ian was playing the teacher and the squad were all students. I had shaved my face for the role, which was slightly ironic seeing as I hadn't shaved when I played a girl for a skit a week and a half earlier. I was already missing the feeling of having scruff on my face, I had been growing it out since we had wrapped this season of Goldbergs, but oh well.

We were just goofing around on set waiting for Courtney to arrive. She was really going to have to rush through makeup because we were set to start filming in 20 minutes. Ian and Ryan were talking over the stage direction for the scene as I sat in a desk next to Keith. I had Charlie Puth's new album playing on my phone and I was mouthing the falsetto vocals at the beginning of the song, moving my head back and forth according to the octave the song was hitting.

"Shayne, you're not funny!" Ian called from his position at the front of the classroom, as Keith exploded in giggles behind his phone

"That's so stupidddd," he snorted.

I continued my dance party, pumping my fist in the air to the beat until a small ping interrupted the song and I looked down at my phone to see that Courtney had texted that she was here on the group chat. I paused my music and replied that we were in the studio. A few moments later Courtney burst into the room.

"SO sorry guys, plans changed, I didn't have anyone to watch Jango so I had to bring him in!" She said, sounding slightly out of breath.

"Don't worry about it Court," Ian said lightly. "Just go to Rachel and get touched of quickly so we can start shooting on time."

Courtney nodded quickly and ducked out of the studio to get her make up done.

Ryan gave us a bit of stage direction for the scene as Courtney stumbled somewhat violently into the school desk beside me, jostling it and almost tipping it over.

"Jesus Courtney, what the hell?" I snorted reached out to steady her.

"You are a hot mess this morning," Keith added, grinning from behind us.

Courtney shot him a sardonic smile and blew a stray piece of hair out of her face and readjusted her position so that she was sitting more normally in the desk.

"You guys are mean," she said with a humph, crossing her arms, causing me and Keith start laughing again

"Ok kids, settle down," Ian joked from the front of the classroom. "Common, let's shoot this shit."

We got through the 2018 bits first with minimal breaking. At one point Ian kicked the desk in an improvised move of defiance and the five of us lost it. Courtney and I fell over our desks laughing, but other than that we made it through and shot the 2008 bits as well. Although we had a slightly late start, we still managed to finish shooting on time, and we all headed back up to the office to get some work done.

I got up there first and sat down on the couch and pulled out my laptop. Courtney came into the room a moment later holding Jango in her arms.

"Say hi to Shayne!" She said, stopping in front of me. Jango eyed me, tail wagging before turning his eyes back to Courtney and licking her face.

"Ugh, Jango," She laughed, pulling her face back from him. There was a wheelie table in the room and Courtney set Jango onto it. He surprisingly lay down calmingly on the table and Courtney's eyes lit up as, what I assumed was a sudden idea, entered her brain. "Let's go for a ride!"

Grabbing on the back of the table she pushed it across the room calling, "Weeooo, Weeooo" as if she was some sort of human ambulance.

I pulled out my phone to film her ridiculousness as she screamed, "We've gotta get to the operating room stat!" He's losing a lot of blood!"

"I hate everything here." I said with a deadpan voice to the camera.

Courtney bounced back into the room, Jango in tow, "No you don't! You love it." She grinned, and dropped down onto the couch next to me, still laughing at her own silliness. Jango padded over to us and curled up by my feet.

"So what happened this morning?" I asked leaning further back into the cushions and stretching to get comfortable.

Courtney's eyes shot towards me but she was quiet for a moment before answering. "Well, Jango was supposed to be with... Wahlid this morning, but something came up and he couldn't watch him."

"Oh." I felt a little uncomfortable talking about her boyfriend, and I could tell she felt slightly weird too because she ran a hand through her hair nervously before continuing.

"Yeah," She shrugged. "It's just frustrating because I had a plan for him today and then it didn't happen, and my Dad had a shift at the station so I couldn't leave Jango with him, and then I was late for the shoot because I was trying to figure out what to do."

Sighing, Courtney continued, "I mean, you know what an anxious puppy Jango is, and it's so hard to always be switching his schedule around. On top on that, it's just tough, because I thought when I got Jango that I would have more of a support system, but things just always seem to, um, come up."

My heart hurt for her. Courtney was sort of like a human golden retriever in that she always wanted to be everyone's friend, do the right thing, and make everyone happy. She really just wanted to give Jango the best life and with her busy schedule, she was always trying to figure out where to leave him during the day. It sucked that today was one of those times where things didn't work out, and it sucked because I knew she was beating herself up over it.

"Of course it is. That's stressful, I'm sorry you had a rough morning,"

"I'm sorry for complaining to you about... you know." She said, her face flushed.

"Hey, it's ok. I mean, well it's not, but you know I'm always here for you," I said quickly, with a small smile. "And I know all this Jango stuff is stressful and you just want to make sure he's doing ok. But selfishly, I like it when you bring him in to the office."

"Yeah?" She asked, peaking at me from behind a wave of hair.

"Of course. Keeps things interesting," I replied. "And how else would I continue my master plan to become his favorite human."

"Excuse you! That's not going to happen, I am definitely his favorite human of all time." She shot back, smirking.

"Guess me and Jango have something in common then," I grinned, as she blushed a deep shade of pink.

But I truly meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This chapter is based on Highschool 2008 vs 2018 and a lot of Instagram stories from that day! It's sort of playing the feels with the all the Jango stuff but I wanted to show the cracks in Courtney's relationship starting to show again. It's coming guys

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This first chapter is pretty short, the following ones will be quite a bit longer.


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